Friendship

[musicgirl77]

What do you expect from friends?  I have one friend that says she doesn't expect anything.  That way she can never be surprised or disappointed.  I really kind of like that philosophy except I seem to forget it from time to time and fall off the wagon.  I keep expecting and keep getting disappointed.  Does that make me "needy"?  I have other friends that define a friend as being there for a "season", depending on what your needs are in any given period of time. 

 How important is friendship to you?  Are friends important to your existence?  Do you really need them?  What do you expect from these friendships?  What if you were to have a birthday party and go out on the town?  Would the gathering of people consist only of friends, thus their attendance being imperative or would they simply add a little more enjoyment to an already fun room? 

 If you couldn't tell, I've been thinking a lot about friends lately.  As an only child with no extended family in the area, friends were always of utmost importance to me. I was never one to have a whole gaggle of friends but knew many people and was friendly to most.   But I only had a very few close friends.  It wasn't until I was out of high school, and lost contact with the ones I felt were close friends, did I realize the difference in my need for friends and their need for me.  Two very close friends were sisters that were 11 months apart.  They didn't need anyone else.  They had, and would always have, each other.  It took awhile for me to see that. When my husband's jobs began transferring us around the country, we made a few friends along the way, always to leave them for the next location. We would keep in touch through Christmas cards for a few years and then gradually lose touch. We did keep a nucleus of friends that became our family.  We shared our lives, our kids, our decisions to be made, prayer requests...people we could always count on and they could count on us.  Then the amazing world of the internet and email entered our lives!  I thought we'd never really have to leave anyone again.  But suddenly, after 10 years and multiple moves, this "family" cannot be raised by email, cell phones, or on Facebook, even after accepting friends invites.  They send the obligatory Christmas cards with their family newsletter and say, "Sure do miss you, we need to talk more" and then cannot be found. Why? 

 I guess that just leaves me with more questions.  And am I being too "needy" in expecting an occasional email or Facebook comment?  Have these friendships reached the end of their "season"? Is it normal for adults to not have many friends or the time to nurture good friendships?  And what makes a good friendship?  These are the questions that have been plaguing me lately.  It's a veritable canyon inside my head with the waters flowing wildly and quickly through the paths of least resistance. 

 

[SarahElf.]

Jan. 17, 2009 at 9:24 PM

So many good questions.  No answers here. 

Touchy subject for me... It's important to me, but I've yet to "click" with anyone to this day, unfortunately.  So like your friend, I don't expect much these days... or maybe I expect too much, hence no close friendships.

C'est la vie.

[NannyB.]

Jan. 17, 2009 at 10:00 PM

Most of the friends I have made seem to need me for something for a while, and then I don't hear from them any more.  It used to bother me, but it doesn't so much any more.  I have Jesus in my heart, and He's the friend that sticks closer than a brother, so He's really all I need.  So I figure if I can fill some void in someone's heart who may not have Jesus, then I have done what I could for them.  A very wise man once said that if you are the only one working at a relationship, then it's time to let it go.  I think those are good words to live by.

[crystees_mom]

Jan. 17, 2009 at 10:27 PM

Ah Scotty, friendship seems to be a great mystery doesn't it?  No, I don't think you are needy.  We all need friendship, companionship, someone to laugh and cry with, someone to talk to and listen to us.  I do think in adulthood that life and it's responsiblites do tend to interfere.  We grow up, move away, have spouses, children, grandchildren.  We go back to school, we volunteer, or we work.  We, especially women I think, don't have enough "me" time once we have a family.  Our needs are always secondary to the ones we take care of. If we work outside the home, then we have 2 jobs, because we STILL work INSIDE the home as well.  People do grow apart, or develop different interests.  I know I have had seasonal friendships, but they have enriched my life.  I have learned valuable lessons.  I have never had an abundance of friends, ever.  I have been burned more times than I care to count.  Those relationships too, were lessons.  I have a handful of "REAL" friends that I know I can count on.  And yes,I NEED them.  We all need them.  I don't email much anymore, as I have noticed most people don't seem to care to receive them.  I don't have facebook, although I do have a myspace account. Even at my age, I still get excited when I see someone left me a message there, or here in cafemom for that matter. Something that isn't bulk, that is for my eyes only,lets me know someone thought about just me that day, and makes me feel special.  There is no better feeling than reaching out, and having a friend reach back.

[meleasmom]

Jan. 18, 2009 at 9:26 AM

I agree with everything said by the other posters.  I have trust issues to start with but I think in this day and age people fill their lives with activities, work, and family.  It leaves little time for anything else.  Also, in these days we are living in, most people are self-centered and do not reach out to others unless they need something.  It's sad, but true.  I also get excited when someone leaves me a note or reaches out to me if I've reached out to them.  (Just like you've done for me Scotty!)  :)  I only have two friends that have stayed in my life for 20 plus yrs.  My best friends are 20 and 10 yrs older than me.  Is that a factor in us staying close for so long?  I believe so.  They have been my mentors and "mother" when I needed guidance and security.  One of them never had any children so I guess I filled that void for her.  The other has two grown boys. I have always sought out stronger personalities.   Who knows...relationships are hard.  When I am lonely, I just pray that God will wrap Himself around me and squeeze real hard! 

[HELLOITSDONNA]

Feb. 2, 2009 at 10:18 PM

First off, You write so eloquently and really get your  thoughts across to your readers!

I would say, friendship should be a two way kind of thing. Sometimes friendships go through different stages.  I have had friends that I have keep in contact with and we talk several times a year and like you pointed out, that annual Obligatory Christmas card keeps me updated. I have shared many weddings, Births, deaths, depression, and the many other things that bond friends. and somtimes they seem like strangers these days. 

I always thought when my children were younger, that i would travel more  once they grew up . I could Visit old friends,  It never seems to happen because, It takes all I can do to keep up with my own family.

 It  does seem like Friendships have dwindled down because of my own lack of keeping up with  them. I do my best to call on birthdays or send a card, But must admit, I hide behind my computer screen.  I  want  More out of my  friendships, I just don't take the time to make that happen! With the internet, I think People tend to live behind the screen and sending a few emails  is keeping in touch.............

Thank you for the Food for thought on friendships. It really got me thinking! I think I will call a few friends and catch up on whats been happening in their lives.

[cosmocat308]

Feb. 14, 2009 at 10:12 PM

i love to read your posts they make me think.