I need help w/a child who is bullying my daughter!

[vtgalsmom]

Hey Everyone-I have come here to vent & to write to you for help. I am very upset & I don't know what to do regarding this boy who won't leave my daughter alone.

My daughter is in 1st grade, she loves school, she is excelling in reading, gets along w/everyone & her teacher has told me on numerous occasions how polite & kind she is. There are some boys who think she's cute, so they pull her hair, or tease her a bit, nothing much. She likes everyone equally & plays that way too.

However, there is this one boy who, since the beginning of the year, has not let up on her. First it started w/poking her, then getting in her face about how much he liked her, then hugging her all the time, how he wants her to be his girlfriend & even his teacher has said that he's pretty much obsessed with her, very possessive. She, in return, has learned to speak up for herself, stating a simple "hi" would do instead of hugging. She tells me he is a nice boy, that she doesn't hate him, but most of the time, he makes her  very uncomfortable.

He has been told numerous times to stop this behaviour, he has to write notes apologizing, which we have many. It works for about 2 days & he starts up again. Well today was the kicker. In the lunchroom, according to a counselor who called me, said that he was talking to other classmates about her. She didn't hear, but others heard him say he wanted to start "kissing" her. That he wants her as a girlfriend & on & on. One classmate got so upset, she told a teacher.

The counselor went into her classroom to talk about speaking up & said that my daughter was strong & told this boy it was not ok. That's it. THAT'S IT??!?!?!?

So far, there has been no punishment for what he is doing. This is a form of bullying & harassment & it seems that there are no consequences for his actions. I am not allowed to know what is said to his parents & him because of confidentiality. WHAT DO I DO??? My daughter will start to withdraw, I know it. If his behaviour doesn't change, what happens next? Is my daughter supposed to just "put up with it?" It's starting to interfere w/her work. Her teacher is bound by the schools rules, so now what?

I am at a loss & have been very upset since I got the call today. My husband is furious & wants action. When I was young, if someone did something wrong, they were punished for it. They had consequences. This boy obviously is seeing something at home & is mirroring this behaviour. Or his parents don't think it's a big deal & do nothing. I want him to learn that he has no right to do this to my daughter, to anyone! What gives him that right? It's wrong & he needs to have consequences while being taught to be a better student, better classmate. He is 7!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can he think like this, at 7? I can only imagine he is exposed to very inappropriate stuff that he shouldn't be .

What should I do? Is there a teacher out there who has any ideas? Any parents who might have an idea for me? I am at wits end & am so upset. Please, if someone could help me w/ideas, I'd appreciate it so much.

 Thank you,

Julie

[MorgansMom]

Jan. 14, 2007 at 11:37 AM

You need to either demand a meeting with the boy's parents with the principal, teacher, and counselor present to clear up the situation and talk about a behavioral plan and consequences

and possibly demand that the boy or your daugher be placed in a different class. I think he should be moved obviously since he is the problem.

Also, as an educator, I can tell you that most times the kids with these kinds of problems do also have problems at home-- so you are probably dealing with inattentive parents who offer the boy no guidance or the boy is like you said, modeling home behavior. It seems to me he is dying for attention and affection, which is sad. I don't know, I'm a high school teacher :)

[shaye]

Jan. 14, 2007 at 11:37 AM

First I want to say I think it sucks noone even put down that they were sorry for you... I am sorry that it took your last post for me to see. I have just started looking at the journals... OK I think my reaction would be to set up a time with this kids parents myself.  If those parents don't do anything fI would contact some kind of official help, maybe the school board, or the poilce.  I think this is screaming a very bad situation that could escilate, not just for your daughter, but for this boy...  I would also look into what your laws are in your state and town for this kind of behaviour.  He DOES need some kind of a consiquence besides writting stupi notes...  I pray that your daughter does well with this situation, and that she stays strong and stands up for herself... Please let me know what has happened since you posted this..

**Shaye**

[JoyJoy]

Jan. 14, 2007 at 11:38 AM just keep bothering the school...the teachers, the principal and whoever else. dont just give up. know what i mean? hopefully this helps a lil. sorry its not much advice.

[lillpop]

Jan. 14, 2007 at 11:41 AM Threaten to sue the district for not protecting your daughter.They will move pretty fast,and you could even go to a lawyer to send the district a letter stating that.

[sccrmom4]

Jan. 14, 2007 at 11:59 AM I soooooooo know what you are going through.. I also have a 7 yr old daughter who is dealing with the exact same situation.. The boy has smacked her on her butt, kissed her cheek, put his arm around her shoulders, and told her he was going to marry her and have 2 babies with her..... I also have tried the approach of having my daughter deal with it on her own, with her parents advice and guidance.  She has told him nicely and not nicely to leave her alone. The final straw for me was when she ran from him at recess for trying to kiss her, she lost 5min of recess for running!!! I have spoke with the teacher, and principal. They told me, due to privacy laws, they cant arrange a meeting between myself, my hubby, and the boys parents. I finally told them, either they deal with it, or i will find the boys parents myself, and deal with it myself. Apparently, that worked, we havent had any trouble in almost 4wks. One word of advice, if you want a positive result, be firm but polite... It is very easy to dismiss as parent as overreacting if they are nasty... I am sorry you are going through this, continue to teach your daughter to stick up for herself and let me know if you need to talk=)

[MontyMommy]

Jan. 14, 2007 at 12:31 PM honey you really need to talk to a friend of mine and if you want her email after this i will give it too you! but her 6 year old and 2 other boys wanted to start a naughty club at school. when the teacher called my friend she was very upset. but what is naughty to her? was the first question, second where did she learn this stuff? after a sit down talk found out it was the other boys telling her about the "naked girl song" and the "kissing in a tree" song! well my friend tried to talk to teacher and counselers because she didn't know what to do are how to talk to a 6 year old. after no help from the school...except telling her "clubs" of any kind are not allowed!! but what she figured out was she can only control how her child is handled. so she found age app books on the subject(and yes they are out there for kids that young)...explained what she had too! then explained what was acceptable of her behavior and what was acceptable behavior from a boy...blah blah...but more importantly my friend explained to her daughter how important she is as a person and how important it is to be strong and bold and gives her continuted reassurance because these boys are still wanting to see her naked and such! but my girlfriend is teaching her daughter what she can at home...cuz her daughter trusts her and if the kids come to her to try to tell her different she is informed and doesn't trust peer pressure! and that she is loved and worthy...so now little chey has the attitude that no one can get her down...and no one can make her feel inferior...she is special...her personal space is special...
this may not help...but you asked about do kids know...yup they know...and even if you don't let her watch that stuff on tv...other parents do...and she will pick it up!
normally i wouldn't have commented either...cuz i am crazy! i would go after the parents personally...because that is where it starts and that is how it has to stop! if that didn't work i would homeschool...lol! but you don't need that advice...i am nutso when it comes to my girls and i wouldn't react responsibly...but i think i should...and i think you should too! she will face this from boys now and men later...teach her how to deal now...and maybe she wont have to deal with it later! good luck.
if this is no good info...delete me!!!