-
Struggling to Make a Difference
- Jan 20, 2009 at 7:40 AM
- By
- Comments (23) Total Views (1118) Everyone can see this journal post.
I am a foster and adoptive mom for the past eleven years now. I have seen things in the foster system that need to change before more kids die. No one will listen. I have written, called, e-mailed everyone who is in authority to make a change and no one will listen. I have written a book to get the story out, but had to publicise it myself so it is slow going. Iam at a loss as to what else can be done.
One of the things that has to change is the way they handle supervised visitation. The state of NJ is swamped. They have so many cases per worker they can't even visit them all. So they sub contract out their supervised visitation. The problem is the companies they contract to don't have to have any trained personnel. So you end up having a dangerous mom visiting a young child or infant in a public place monitored by a college intern. No back up if something goes wrong, no plan in effect to handle dangerous situations nothing.
Here is an example of one of these we had to deal with. We had a one year old we were fostering. His mother was too dangerous for the worker to transport. She was known to carry drugs and got violent. So they set the visits for places she could walk to. This visit was set at the Newark Library in Nj. We took the child and met a twenty one year old college intern who was sent to monitor the visit. I left my cell # and the child with the intern and went outside to wait for the visit to be over. Ten minutes later my cell rang. It was the intern crying and asking me to come get the baby. She said the mom was hitting him.
Now you have to understand the area is prodominately AA and my foster son was AA and of course so was the biological mom. Iam white. Anyway I go back inside and the mom is striking the baby with a book. The intern is crying and asking me to take the baby, she is afraid to as the mom is angry and out weighs us both by about 100lbs. I try to ge the baby back and the mom tucks the baby under her arms and proceeds to run up two flights of cement steps. I follow we get to the library doors and I manage to get hold of the baby before she makes it out. Now it is tug of war with her screaming that Iam trying to abduct her baby. I manage to tumble back in with the baby just before she runs out. All the while screaming Iam his foster mom. The mom jumps in a waiting car outside and drives off. She was going to abduct him. A month later we find out she is incarcerated for trafficking.
If I hadn't been there he would have been abducted. This happens everyday. The interns are not prepared, there is no safety plan in effect and no will help me. We ended up adopting that baby he is my son now. But this system is still endangering other kids. These visits need to be with trained personnel in secure settings. Help me make a difference.
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Yes-They-Are-All-Mine/Linda-Dyson/e/9781438909295/?itm=3
Comments:
Instead of calling you, the intern should've called 911! Your post gave me the impression that you'd like everyone to call/write to help make a difference. Why not type up a general letter/email that all here at CM can copy & paste & sign & send. Post it (with email adresses to send to) & I'm sure moms will be happy to do it. There's power in numbers & you've got big numbers here!
I agree with abby9876! I think that a lot of moms on here could help.
My mom did foster care for years. She finally had to quit. She just couldn't take it emotionally anymore. Between the messed up system and the lack of support for the kids, she was just burned out.
Keep up the good work! Thanks for being a FM!
PA is a horrible state when it comes to govt. agencies period. I have had to get CPS involved a couple times when there were things going on w/ my oldest 2 boys BD and it was like a joke!! They won't help. I also have been looking into bettering the system, but we can't do it alone. I agree there is power in numbers but I am at a loss on where to even begin. If I find any actual help or make some progress I'll be sure to let you know.
have you heard of CASA? google it or go to dr phils web site.Its for people that want to be child advocates and make a difference!!
I also agree with abby9876 I think almost all cafemom members would sign.I have not ever had to deal with foster care at all. But this is a horrible story & even scary to know that it happens all the time!
Wow, that's so sad but true. I've had a very hard time with social services regarding my brothers and sisters. Long story short.......I'm the oldest of 6 kids. My mom was a methamphetamine addict (we did not know at the time), anyway, she lost her home, was living in a pallet built shack across a canyon in the mountains where her and her boyfriend had a meth lab and the kids were living there. My mom shot herself in the head while she was tweaked up on meth. My husband and I tried all we could to get custody of those kids......especially after learning that the truancy officers at their school knew what my mom was involved in and where she was with the kids. This was in March and the kids had only been in school for a total of 32 days. So everyone knew and no one did anything!!! Anyway, we tried to get custody, they wouldn't give me the kids because my husband and I live in Minnesota (we even have adult and child foster care licenses), they gave the kids to my dad because he is in California, where they already live. My dad is the most unfit parent. He is very mentally ill, he has schizophrenia, he is a meth addict, has been in and out of jail, in and out of county mental health, and social services also had a signed and notarized letter from me that spoke of all the physical, emotional, and sexual abuse that he did to us older three. They gave him the kids because he had running water and shelter ( it was a 5th wheel trailer on my granpa's property) So they allowed my dad to house a 9 year old girl, 12 year old boy, and a 14 year old boy in this small trailer knowing he couldn't provide all they needed. These kids, my brothers and sister needed more than running water and shelter... They needed love, security, stability, therepy, and more love. My husband and I could have given them that and then some. I wrote letter after letter to social services, my dads PO, judges, you name it, I wrote it. I called the social worker on a regular basis to make sure she was testing my father for drugs, I think she was just pacifying me. So after 7 years of writing and being persistant, social services now want to give my sister to me, she's 16 and a handful, she doesn't want to come here. She lived with my dad for 2 years and one of my letters got her put in foster care where she had the choice to come live with me, she didn't want to, she chose foster care because I let out the family secrets and my dad had gotten to her. Now social services doesn't know what to do with her, she's using drugs and running from all her placements. Now they want her here. I don't get it. My brothers are now both drug addicts and have a rare shot at a good future......It really makes me angry and sad that our system is so messed up. They're suppose to protect our children not expose them to more drama, chaos, instability, violence, drugs, etc. Sorry this got long, I had to let it out again, lol. I'm glad to know there are people like you out there that care as much as I do. Hopefully we will be able to change just one life, that would make a difference. Good luck and keep your chin up. I know it's hard...............
Have you written or talked personally with the Commissioner of the Department of Children's Services? Several years ago our state had many of the same problems that your state seems to, then they got a very good ccommissioner in there (Viola Miller) that really cares about the kids and everyone involved: birth parents, foster parents, CW's all surrounding and helping the kids. Our system isn't perfect by any means and still has a long way to go, especially when the government tries to cut funding and eliminate personal. But a good ccommissioner can help change laws, keep funding and help foster parents. Maybe you need to get the foster parents of your state together to push for reform. Start with your local and national Foster Parent Association. If you wrote a book, then you need to send it to every state politition you have. Good luck!
Wow... What a scary situation.
I wanted to comment on your post because these same things have been on my mind so much lately. I am totally new to "the system". I see posts and articles about how more and more foster and adoptive parents are desperately needed. I am a very determined person who isn't swayed easily. Even I have wanted to throw up my hands and quit before we've really even gotten started. I haven't even had to deal with negligent CW's, ignorant decisions, dragging innocent children to court to hear their parent's baggage, kids going back to parents who have do "just enough" to get them back....and so I don't see HOW IN THE HECK more people are going to sign up to have their phone calls and emails ignored and be dragged through a seriously unorganized, misquided system. I am a stay at home mom right now. I can't even imagine having to deal with this + have a career. The stress would be too much. I admit, I don't know what it's going to take to get the system to a level I would even consider adequately functional but I completely agree that it needs serious attention from people who are willing and able to organize it and get every state on the same page so that the children aren't the ones who suffer from these people's screw ups. There is such a lack of clarity that perspective foster/foster to adopt parents are more confused by the information they receive because it is so vague that in itself deter's a lot of people. For me, it makes the state/county seem like they are trying to be dishonest or something because you can't just get a straight forward answer. I could go on for days, but my main point was that I totally agree that this "system" is completely mismanaged and needs serious reform.
Already a member? Click here to log in
that is so sad! i have been thinking about becoming a foster parent in pennsylvania ( i live in a small town) are all systems that bad? i love kids and i could not imagine having someone so nieve and untrained walking into a situation like that. and they wonder why there is so much hatred in these poor kids.
- jlmorrow
Message Friend Invite