Nature vs. Nurture.....

[randi1978]

I'm one of those people who believe that our personalities are ingrained into us thru our DNA.  How those personality traits come thru depends on our environment.  Neither my mother or my father are very artistically inclined or booklovers, but my maternal grandmother is.  This little trait skipped a generation and came out thru me.  I can draw and I love reading and writing.  I'm a little rusty because I never have time for it much, but I do love it and I don't think I'm that bad.  There are also mannerism that are very much akin to my parents.  Facial expressions, gestures, things of that sort.  My mom and stepdad encouraged my writing and my drawing, but were never sure of what to think of my mannerisms.  My mom always would comment that a particular expression or gesture was like my father's.

But the funny thing is, I am my stepdad's kid.  I talk like him, act like him and we share a pretty decent temper, LOL.  This is all purely environmental.  We are enough alike after being around each other for over 20 yrs and share superficial resemblances (hair color, eye color) that a lot of times people assume he is my father (uhhh, do the math.  he was 14 when i was born, my mom was 19.  wrong on a lot of levels, LOL).

Both my mom and stepdad are very outspoken individuals.  She sometimes jokes that I was switched at birth because we are nothing alike.  I was a doormat growing up.  It's only been recently that I have started to fight against what I feel is wrong.

My daughter doesn't have the motor control for drawing and can barely spell her name.  She is slower than I was at that age.  She is my mirror image, but personality wise, she is nothing like me.  I don't know what her father was like as a child or any of his family, so I cannot make an assumption about how her personality is.  She had a tough life up until the last few years and I am sure that this had an impact on how her personality formed.

My younger daughter, the one who was relinquished for adoption, shows a lot of traits that are very much me.  I only know this thru the updates I received from her a-parents.  Like her older sister, she was talking very well at an early age, but she picked up stuff much faster.  As of the last update I received, she could talk thru baby sign and has a love for reading (something her big sis has no patience for).  My mom actually said that based off what she has read and seen thru pics, my younger daughter is a little mini-me.  But I know that this has come thru her environment as well.  Her a-parents both work from home, so they get to spend a lot of time with her.  Her big sis has gone thru life with one or both parents out of the home working a lot and now with their father out of the picture, she has gotten used to me working all day and barely seeing her.

I encourage Michelle's eccentricness, even if it's hard for me to follow.  Kids her age and older have commented that she is "strange".  So, maybe she is like me, LOL.  I was a strange kid, too.  It's hard to explain.  I was the quiet strange one.  She's a very outgoing strange one. 

While I am sure that some people may disagree, I do believe that all of us our the product of not only our genetics, but of our environment.  Some traits skip generations and some come out in more unconventional ways.  It's all on how those traits are encouraged or discouraged.  The couple that adopted my younger daughter are both artistically inclined and writers, which was one of the reasons I chose them.  Since it has become clear this trait is there with her, she has the perfect environment to blossom.  As for myself, I find myself often frustrated or confused because my older daughter and I are miles apart.  I fall over myself trying to find common ground with her.  Where these personality traits came from, I probably will never know.  All I can do is learn from it all and encourage her uniqueness as best as I can.

[onethentwins]

Jan. 20, 2009 at 9:48 PM

You were smart to pick  artistically inclined people to parent your daughter. There's a favorite quote of mine from an adoptee in Lavonne Stiffler's "Synchronicity in Reunion"; "I always felt like a Doberman at a Poodle Parade". Hopefully you've put your baby with the right people.

Marlou Russell says on the subject of nature nurture shaping a personality, that it's about 75% nature.

[darkpoetess]

Jan. 21, 2009 at 11:02 AM I believe both nature and nurture has a lot to do with how one thrives. My oldest has never really been around he's father and does this eye blinking thing like he's dad does. Kaylee resembles her dads mom and has adhd and so does her dad. He wasn't around either. (None of their dad were every present.) But I can se sum nature, but I'm hoping nurture will help themselves shape their lives in to good people. I agree with ya :) I don't knw who my bio dad is I was raise by my dad (stepdad but didn't know - got he's last name) so I don't knw what my nature would be but my nuture was how my dad raised us kids.