Losing things that were valuable

[prissmom]

  Two of the items that were lost were rings. One wasn't a loss of monetary value, but sentimental value.  It was my Grandmother Terry's  ring.  A simple gold with a small emerald and two small pearls.  It disappeared during a move and I have always wondered if it was stolen by the movers.  I will always remember that ring because its likeness is captured in an oil portrait of me at age 10.

   The second ring was the anniversary ring, 1 ct of round diamonds channel set with Love John engraved inside.  My husband gave it to me for our 20th anniversary.   He had only been able to afford a very small engagement ring and tiny wedding band because we were in college.  That alone made the ring very special.

  I had lost a large amount of weight due to illness and it fell off my finger at Baptist Hospital in Winston-Salem, NC during a pre-op visit.  The fact that it was at a hospital and close to Christmas made it especially hurtful that the ring was not turned into Lost and Found.   I found out that he had neglected to insure the ring too.  Losing such a gift has made me so sad.  He recently replaced that ring with a much less expensive ring with tiny sapphires and diamonds.  That was one of the best gifts he has given me because my medical bills were putting us into debt and he still felt it important to put a ring back on my finger.

   The new ring he gave me has meant more than the anniversary ring because he was also trying to repair something extremely valuable that had been lost.  I lost faith in him and he lost my trust and almost my love by cheating on me.  I will not go into details, but he lied to try to cover it and broke my heart with those lies that hurt more than his lack of fidelity.  Lost trust and broken hearts are harder to deal with than the loss of a special family ring or a gift from the man I have now spent 33 years with.

   To tell the truth I have tried to lose my love for him so I wouldn't hurt so badly.  I want to be able to hate him for what he took from me.  I can't do it.  I wish I knew why because that loss nearly killed me.   I truly want him on bended knee begging for forgiveness and begging me to stay.  But since he knows how much I love him still that will never happen.  So I have also lost self respect.  I will stay with him even though I will always wonder about other women.

  If anyone finds my self respect please return it to me as fast as possible.  It has more value than any ring.  Because I still harbor hope than he will be faithful to me. Hope that he will find me of more value than anything else.   Hope that he will ask to repair what he broke by marrying me in the church surrounded by family and friends.  He broke my heart a second time by telling me that he did not feel the need to do either of these things.  So please if you find my self respect I need it badly.

[chefmom14]

Jan. 22, 2009 at 5:00 PM

Reading your words, I can really feel the way you do.  I think I would feel the same way.  I would probably leave though.  I do not hate but I am bad at forgiveness.  I do not think you have lost your self respect.  I think you have more strength than most to honor a committment.  You are a wonderful person.