Long Overdue

[CoolBeans]

Okay, my last day away from my wonderful/beautiful/amazing kids was in June 2008. My fuse, yeah, it's non-existent.

The days are long and at the end I feel like I have failed miserably. Not everyday, some days I feel like I was pretty awesome. For the most part, failure.

Ryan was home yesterday. Usually when he is home I am calm. Yesterday, the words me/calm couldn't even be used in the same sentence. I wasn't yelling or anything, I just wasn't myself. I'm tired. I'm exhausted.

I NEED A BREAK!

I need a "big people drink" and a bubble bath. I need a book to read. I need to go to bed late and then sleep in until noon if I want. I need a day filled with missing my kids and forcing myself NOT to call and check on them every 5 minutes. I need to go to lunch with friends and then spend an evening alone with my husband.

I NEED A BREAK!

This is a conversation Alyssa and I had Friday night. Keep in mind, I wasn't telling her this, just letting my thoughts escape my head by way of my mouth.

I had just put the kids to bed after a day of doing everything by myself despite the fact that my husband was home. I had them in bed, Olivia was crashed and I had a glass of cranberry juice and a movie with my name on it. It had been a long day full of fights and crying (these kids have cabin fever). Dinner had been eaten, baths had been given and I hadn't even made it to the couch and there they were -- up -- out of their beds wanting/whining/needing something. Then the baby started crying. I threw my hands in the air and said, "Mommy wants to go jump out of a window!" Alyssa took this chance to say, "I don't want you to" to which I asked "WHY NOT?!?!" to which she responded "Because you'll hurt yourself!" She had that look of DUH! on her face. They get that look from their Father. Do you know how annoying it is to have someone make you laugh when you are perfectly happy being miserable?!

D'OH!

i. need. a. break.

End rant/complaining session. Hey, this is what you do when you can't afford a therapist!

[proudmommy82]

Jan. 26, 2009 at 9:52 AM

ohhhh, i've been there......but my fuse must be a lot shorter, b/c i have nights to myself waaaay more often than you do. ergo, you are an AWESOME momma and i need more patience. ;D

i'll keep my fingers crossed that you get that bubble bath, movie, and mommy drink sometime soon. :)

[3bs]

Jan. 26, 2009 at 10:12 AM

YOU SOUND EXACTLY LIKE ME!!!!! 

I got my much needed break Saturday.  My mom picked up the girls to spend the night.  Brennon was at his dad's.  I was totally kid free for a day and a half!!!!  I took a nice bubble bath, read a book in front of the fire, took relaxing naps, then my husband and I went out and had a few drinks.  He got to play pool and I got to dance...  I didn't have to worry about the kids hearing anything;0)  And didn't wake up until 10:00 Sunday morning!!!!  It was SOOOO nice and I was a mommy in a much better mood when they got home.

I sure hope you can get a much needed break soon!!!