mcquistionmom2's Journal

all my thoughts and ideas gathered here

Long story short for some background on our little sister will be 17 in 3 weeks, she currently lives with my grandma because one can only take so much of my father's negativity before it breaks you and she has been living with grandma since October. She met a boy through Xbox Live and his dad was kicking him out as soon as he turned 18 and he had no where to go...well, he just turned 18 earlier this month and no one in my family has ever met this kid before and he flew to Washington from Florida to start his life and be near my sister (they've only ever talked on Xbox Live) and they got caught yesterday. We had no clue that he was up there and when they got caught they panicked and took off. Now my sister has no options really grandma doesn't want her there and my mom would take her back to Nevada to be with them but again, one can only handle so much of our father and he would make things worse. My mom and I feel that my sister would be a bigger flight risk if she were drug back to Nevada so we are trying to come up with another plan. My Dh and I will be moving out there in 3 weeks (it is home for us but Dh is military and finally received orders for his base of preference) and we are considering taking her in because we can provide the emotional support she needs (especially since this is not all about the boy, I talked to her for a good while last night and she sounds like she has been depressed; some thing I can relate to on a very personal level whereas everyone else - except my mom - doesn't seem to believe in depression). Right now I feel I am her only option...only hope. My dad sounds as though he has given up on her and this is the first time she has ever been a "bad" kid so I don't think its fair to give up on her so easily. Anyway, if she comes to live with us there will need to be ground rules up front that she will have to abide by or she will be sent back to my parents house (or military school if she slips up again like this...I know my dad would send her in heart beat even with just a year left in high school).

I just need to know if these rules are too much or if they're not enough....input, ideas, suggestions, etc are welcome from all....

1. 10pm curfew
2. Attend church with us every Sunday (hoping that she will become comfy enough to talk to our Pastor who can provide free counseling for her to sort out her issues with our dad and what not)
3. Check in at all times - as soon as she arrives somewhere, getting ready to leave somewhere, etc (I had to do this with my grandma and while I thought it was excessive back then I see the point of it now)
4. Grades will stay above D (this is not harsh because I don't want her to feel like she is a failure if she doesn't get A's and B's and at this point I just want her to pass her classes)
5. Homework will be done every night and I will be looking it over
6. Friends can come over if she asks us but boys are not allowed in her room (this is the way it was for me growing up but this structure was let go when she entered her teen years which I think is part of the parents and everyone else have become kind of lax on things)
7. join an extra curricular activity or get a part time job (she loves basketball and she is good at it and she has mentioned the idea of getting a job at like Toys R Us or something too...I think that she would benefit from doing something extra for herself)

This is all I can think of at this particular moment....but I feel like I am missing something here.....

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Jan. 27, 2009 at 2:08 PM

I think the rules are fine. I would do thesame thing, and might be doing the same as well come this Fall. My brother in law will be coming to stay with us, and I'll be having the same sort of rules as well. Everyone needs structure ... and I think it was possibly lacking, hence the lapse in judgement here with the boy? Good luck.

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Jan. 27, 2009 at 8:53 PM

The curfew might be a little strict. Maybe 10 on school nights, but 12 on weekends? Movies that start @730 and a snack after may even put her past the 10am thing.

Also just to double check on her honestly.. we have sprint and I can log on and see where either one of our phones are at anytime. Just a thought.


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