The Meaning Of Life

[PosterOfAGirl]

I'm not very good at writing eloquent journals, but I have a lot of heavy things on my mind that I need to get out.

I truly believe there is no after life, and that our heaven is here on earth; it's all about the journey. Yet, day in, day out all I do is get online, watch movies, watch TV, and clean something. To me this is not satisfactory for my heaven on Earth. I want to raise my daughter to see beyond the American life of consumerism,  I want to fulfill this desire and passion I have inside of me to do something with meaning and purpose; I have no clue what this is. All I know is that I want to do something different. I don't even necessarily want to make this world a better place, or help find peace (I would love to do this, but it's not my main thought)...I just want to have more meaning in my life. I guess some people can be happy with going to work, raising a family, and having a nice house. To me this is just the thin top layer of what life should be; I think there is more to being human than this kind of life. I want to get out and experience life, all kinds of things, I want to try everything. But I'm SO afraid of new things, places, people and experiences; I just can't do it alone. I wish this friend that I need so badly could be my husband, but one of us has to be robotic and make money, because well...that's what life is about, sadly. This Metric lyric is running through my head like a broken record today,

"Buy this car to drive to work, drive to work to pay for this car"

I realize a lot of people fill this void they feel with religion, but I see through it. I seek truth and inspiration. It's a bummer that atheists don't meet on a weekly basis to converse and experience life on a deeper level. I guess I just want to say that friends, family and life experiences are the most meaningful things in life. I just need a friend to experience things with, I'm too scared to do these things alone. Oh how I wish I had more confidence and strength, I would do anything to rid myself of these fears that hold me back everyday of my life. I want to teach my daughter that life is meaningful and beautiful, and not superficial and redundant.

So I guess that's it, that's how I'm feeling these days. I just want more out of life,  and more for my daughter. I want to enjoy it to it's fullest, and it's sad that I don't know how to do this. If you actually read what I had to say, I thank you, it makes me feel special :)

[ashley_savage86]

Jan. 27, 2009 at 3:28 PM

That was a good post! I also agree, there is more to life than just going to work, cleaning, and paying bills.  I'm in the same boat your in--to scared to try anything out of the norm...

[jellyphish]

Jan. 27, 2009 at 3:35 PM

I'm so right there with you girl.  Being a house wife/house mom is just not for girls like us I guess.  What really helps me is keeping in mind that it won't be like this forever; I feel so stifled being a SAHM, but I am willing to give Isis a few years of my life because I love her so much.  When she starts school I'll go right into the world and start learning and doing and contributing the way I want. 
And I know we've got a bit of geography between us, but I'll totally be your co-life friend, or whatever you want to call it, as much as possible.  We just have sooo much in common and I know there are things we both want to experience.

[PosterOfAGirl]

Jan. 27, 2009 at 3:45 PM

I guess I feel the same way you do JP. Stifled. But I do want to give Evelyn, and any other children I have my time, energy, love and focus...just sometimes there needs to be more. I would LOVE to be your co-life friend :) That's the sad part, I have friends on here, and friends IRL that live in different states/cities but I can't do anything with them because of distance, and that sucks! Bleh!

(Original Poster)

[JoyeAustin]

Jan. 27, 2009 at 3:50 PM

I thought that was awesome, Staci, and you nailed the reason so many people DO go overboard with religion, affairs, drama, on and on... because they don't focus on enriching their life with meaning and go after superficial fulfilment instead.

[leahdanley]

Jan. 27, 2009 at 6:08 PM

Ok, I'm gonna go pack...for the weekend so I can come up there and move you down here.

[Nysa]

Jan. 27, 2009 at 7:47 PM

I feel like that sometimes.  I guess I just don't really have answer.  I think my calling is the law, and actually starting law school.  I think that way I can really do something important.  Giving birth to Molly (the wonderful suprise that it was) kind of put a hold on that.  I will be your co-life friend!  We don't really live THAT far apart, and I think I am going to go to NM this summer!

[ToddlerBrain82]

Jan. 27, 2009 at 8:32 PM

*sniff* I want to be your IRL friend too, but I live so far away from everything! Waaaaahhhh!!

Your journal is beautiful, sweetie. You have a gift for wording things just right.

Could you and Evie volunteer somewhere together? If you could find your "niche", that thing whatever it is that you feel passionately about, and then share that with her by volunteering, you'd find a lot of fulfillment for yourself and you'd also be setting an AWESOME example for your little girl.

(((hugs))) I love you, you're such a great friend and I'm so lucky to have someone like you in my life!

[charlierae]

Jan. 27, 2009 at 8:48 PM

i love that you wrote this. i often feel the same way but can never find what it is i "need" to do.

[RanaAurora]

Jan. 27, 2009 at 9:19 PM

My goal is to play the game and make lots of money, retire early, and be like my grandparents and spend the rest of my life from then on going anywhere I want and doing anything I want to.

[PosterOfAGirl]

Jan. 29, 2009 at 12:05 PM

Well it's really good to know that I'm not the only one that feels this void. I just hope to fill it one day!

(Original Poster)