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Please vote and if you can give me any advice that might help.
- Jan 28, 2009 at 3:46 PM
- By Anonymous
- Comments (4) Total Views (72) Everyone can see this journal post.
My marriage has been rocky since the beginning pretty much but it's had it's good times and it's had it's bad times. Mostly bad to be honest. We fought all the time all the way up until I got pregnant. When I was pregnant I really seen a change in things. Things were getting better. I thought we were finally coming out of the "rocky beginning" of marriage that everyone says you have. We fought only a little during that whole 9 months. It was great. As soon as I had my baby we started fighting again but this time something changed in me. I distanced myself from him more than I ever have before. After about 2 months since having my baby I just isolated myself from him and anyone else. Since then I didn't want anything to do with my baby. My husband griped at me all the time over it and I knew he was right about me not wanting to mess with our baby but it only made me feel worse that he griped at me all the time over it.
Yea, I already felt bad for it but it didn't change the fact that I still just didn't want to deal with a baby in my state of mind.
I've been angry and sad for pretty much 6 months straight and have developed so much bitterness towards my husband I really don't want to try anymore.
I never wanted to leave him and I stuck around trying to see if anything would change but it didn't. What I REALLY want more than anything is for him to just stop hurting to me, stop lying, start respecting me and start loving me. That's the number 1 thing I wanted out of this.
My second option was just to force myself to leave him and get over it. I know I'd be a lot better off out of this destructive relationship. It's only hurting me.
My third option was to stay with him and let him keep abusing my emotions and allowing myself to remain such an angry, bitter, sad person. This would be his choice. He doesn't want to leave but he still wants to hurt me.
I think about my baby on this. I really don't want to raise him in the condition I am in and in the marriage that we have. I can only imagine how that would affect him. It will affect him.
Seeing his mom always hurt, angry, depressed and miserable and seeing his dad always lying, sneaking and fighting with his mom would definitely cause my son to have some problems later on.
I do not think for one minute that my husband loves me. He couldn't. I can't help but cringe when he says it. Sometimes I feel like screaming at him for even saying it. "You liar, how could you say something so empty and meaningless to me." "How could you dare think that I would believe that lie."
I don't believe it. It's just another one of his lies.
He tosses the words "I love you" around like they mean nothing.
He thinks that by him saying it, it will somehow convince me that he does.
It's emotional abuse. That's exactly what he's doing.
He wants me to believe that he loves me.
He wants to make me promises so I will get my hopes up only to be let down soon after. He only promises me things so that I will trust him a little more.
His plan is that if I trust him and let my guard down he will get away with things more. That's his ONLY motive behind it. At this point everything he says is a lie to me. I believe nothing. Anything and everything that he says to me has no truth behind it.
Comments:
Well, do you love him? Are you both willing to attend counseling? I think that that would be best before giving up. Perhaps his actions are merely a reaction to your actions.
I would strongly recommend marriage counseling first. If he won't go, then call it quits.
I would be very interested to know what both of your childhoods were like. I think he probably does love you. He may not be showing it in the ways that you think he should, I also think you probably have serious self-respect issues. When you don't love and respect yourself, it is very hard to receive those things from someone else. For some reason, these issues seem to always get worse after a child is born into the situation. There is all kinds of help available if you all are willing to look into it. Your child deserves a mom and a dad, and my hope is that you will figure this thing out and give that baby what he deserves.
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I was in a relationship very similar to yours. The marriage ended after 5 and a half yrs. As soon as I was gone, he found someone new to manipulate and "be-dazzle".
If counselling isn't an option (one or both of you unwilling to do so), then the best thing to do is to leave him. Take your baby and get away. Don't believe anything he tries to tell you in regards to changing, fixing the marriage etc. Get out and don't look back.
- randi1978
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