Our Open Adoption Journey

[ameliasmama1026]

 

 I wanted to share our open adoption journey. When we started our journey I always wanted an open adoption. My aunt was adopted at birth. She know nothing about her birthmother. Her birthmother had her under a false name and then walked away.It bothers her that she will never know nothing about her past. I did not want that for my child.

F was incarnated that is why she made a adoption plan. She was supposed to be incarnated for a few years. She aged out of the foster care system so she had no family to take the baby and the family she did have were not fit to take care of a baby. She wanted a family that would bring the child to the prison to visit her a few times a year. Then she wanted to come visit the family and have the family visit her when she was released.She also wanted pictures and letters and phone calls.We felt that was something we were comfortable with and we agreed. Our first visit was when Evie was 2 weeks old at the prison. It was sad. We were in a large room and there was all these kids visiting their mothers. I saw one little boy being pulled of of his mother just screaming for her. It broke my heart. F was released early. She started calling a few times a day. It was WAY to much for me. I had to set some boundaries with her. We have it now where she calls once a week or if something comes up with Evie I call her.When she does call I put Evie on the phone to talk to her.We did our second visit when Evie was 6 months old. We met at a restaurant near her home. She used to live in a place that I felt was not safe to take my children too.F disappeared for a few months after that. No phone calls or contact at all. She resumed her once a week calling in Aug. We had our next visit at her moms boyfriends house so her mom could meet Evie. Our last visit was just this past weekend. This was the best visit yet. Evie let her play and hold her. Evie has really bad stranger anxiety. F was so happy that Evie let her hold her. We already have one planned at the zoo in May. She has yet to come to our house. She doesn't drive and it a 3 hour drive. We will at some point drive her to our house and let her stay but F is not ready for that.

I used to be so nervous when she called. I didn't want her to hear Evie crying and think I was a bad mother. I always wanted to seem like I was the perfect mother. I didn't want F to think she made the wrong choice of parents.I thought I had to impress her.We have had our share of tough times. She called me Evie's foster mom for the longest time even after I corrected her like 100 times.She calls herself Mom and her mom calls herself Grandma.I want us to some up with a special name that just Evie calls them. They do not want to do that.I have just let it go for now it is not worth a fight right now while Evie is still so little. Amelia wishes she had a birthmother to go visit. I tell her that I am her birthmotherbut she says I don't count. It has only been a year and I hope we will always be this close.  I am happy that I can call her anytime that I have a questions about her history and that is a comfort with all of Evie health issues.

If you have any questions about us or open adoption I am willing to answer anything.

 

[Lil-Jo]

Jan. 29, 2009 at 12:54 PM

Thank you for sharing your story.  F's situation is really sad, but I am very happy she made the choice she did for Evie.  I am glad that she is keeping the adoption open for Evie also, I too agree that it is in the best interest of the children to know their family history. 

I also went threw times where we would be talking to J, our birthmom, and Jasmine would be crying or yelling or something and would worry about what J was thinking about us.  She used to call often, now I hardly get text messages from her and she hasn't seen Jasmine in 2 years now.

[CreativeMummy]

Jan. 30, 2009 at 2:20 PM

I love hearing positive adoption stories!  Ours was amazing both times.  You have inspired me to write our story!  Thank you for that!  God bless you and your awesome family!!!