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This is Hard
- Jan 29, 2009 at 9:38 PM
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- Comments (16) Total Views (317) Everyone can see this journal post.
I never thought leaving a school would be so hard. I'm not sure why it makes me cry, but it does. This is not the way this was supposed to go. I was supposed to graduate, find a job, and move... in that order!
Although I KNOW I can make this work, I am still very torn up. I absolutely LOVE and adore my college. I never thought a school would make such an impact on me. The teachers are amazing, the culture is amazing, the people there are AMAZING and I'm going to miss it so much. A lot of people have told me not to do it.. to stick it out because it's hard to finish once you've taken a break. I understand that because my mother did the same thing.. she's telling me the exact same words. I don't plan on quiting.. I do plan on finishing my degree just not at the school I'm going to (read my plan below). I am NOT giving up! I do not want to be that girl... the teen mom that gives up when she's so close. I will not be that person.
I'm not positive this is my final decision, but it's looking more and more like I don't really have any other choice. I need to be working... we need to move on. Not only that, but I'm burnt out! I'm tired of constantly being in class and not being able to help support my family. I miss WORKING! Besides that, my mom offered to take a loan out to help us through, but I will not let her do that. She can't keep supporting my family... that's me and Rob's job. I'm almost 21 and I will not burden her financially anymore. I need to be doing something proactive about my debt and our bills.
My academic advisor told me she knows this is hard, but it probably is the best and that I can come back to the school to finish my BA if I wish. My financial advisor told me there is only an unsubsidized loan available for me and I just do not need to be in anymore debt. I already receive the maximum amount of scholarships and grants available to me.
After I got to my math class this afternoon I realized I had forgotten to turn in my reflection for the presentation I did on Tuesday so I stayed after class to talk to my professor. I barely got out the sentence "I've decided to take a break from school," before I started crying. I just couldn't help myself. She asked if I need a hug, but I manage to compose myself. I told her I wasn't sure if I was going to finish the semester, but I was going to get her my assignments as soon as possible.
I just cannot express the feelings I've had to go through the past two days since weighing this option: anger, hope, disappointment, sadness, happiness, confusion, and excitement. It feels like I'm pregnant again and it sucks. I wish I could just level my thoughts so I could figure out what I'm doing next. :(
Here is my plan so far:
Find a job (I've already applied for a few).
Move close to that job.
Have Rob find a job there as well.
Apply to an online program where I can either receive my Associates or finish my Bachelor's in Early Childhood Education.
Get my Child Development Associates certification.
After that I'll be all set. Then Rob can actually start classes and we can start paying off our debt.
Comments:
Hugs mama. I wish I had some advice for you. I think your plan so far sounds like the best thing you could probably do at this point. I can imagine how frustrating and disappointing it must be to have to put your schooling on hold though. Do what you need to do knowing it's the best thing you can do for your family but commit yourself to going back as soon as you can. I took a semester off from school for health reasons but went back and finished once I got healthy again. I even went on to graduate school when I finished my BA. I have no doubt you can do it if you set your mind that that's what you're going to do. Good luck!!
Oh sweetie. I am sorry you are having to do it this way. But it sounds like you have it all planned out.
In a way that is good that it is hard for you to say goodbye...that means that the impression they left on you, you will carry for a very long time.
HUGS hun. I hope that you find a job that you want and a house close to it and that your hunny finds a job too there.
i THINK TAKING SOME ONLINE COURSES IS A FABULOUS IDEA...SERIOUSLY. dON'T FEEL LIKE YOU ARE GIVING UP ON SCHOOL, JUST RE ROUTING YOUR TIME RIGHT NOW. yOU WILL BE ABLE TO FIT IT IN, IN THE NEAR FUTURE. GOOD LUCK!
hugs!!! well I would try to take some online classes to stay with it. I have one class to get my AA and that was now going on 8 years. once I had logan I didnt go back and then I tried and only did 2 classes. I now hoe you feel and its ok to cry you will get through it all you just have to stop and take a breath. try doing night classes and working during the day. I did that for a while. I am trying to go back but now that we are not near the school I went to I have to take 12 untils to get my AA. maybe you could do a daycare out of your house and then you can study whille your home and making money. its hard but you can do it. hope all gets better for you I know how it is and you will be ok. HUGS!!!!!!!!!
I have never been in your spot so I really have no advice. But you are a strong smart woman and you will be just fine. You hang in there and do what you think is best for you and your family...
I wish you the very best!
I wish I could tell you more, but you have to do whats right for you.
{{HUGS}}
What a rough decision. I wish you weren't in the position to have to make it. But, it sounds like you're doing what needs to be done and you see the road ahead very clearly so I know you'll get where you're going. You should believe that, too. Stay strong, sweetie!
I have been very close to having the same thing happen - leaving school. I can see how you would be very upset about it. But I admire your determination - I completely believe you will be back! One of my favorite phrases is "temporary situation" - everything is temporary. Good luck!
I only know what you have written here, so I haven't a clue about your circumstances. You sound very strong and determined and I wish you the best.
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Meet jessicasmom1
This Pennsylvania mom of a 12-year-old girl wishes her daughter's father was still alive to see his little girl all grown up now.
Hugs Jessica! I know how much you enjoy school, and, this must have been a hard decision to make. You need to do what's best for you and your family, and, if that means taking a break, then so be it. Good luck to you and where ever your life takes you next!
- Debkins
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