so i was thinking about this on the drawn-out, quiet drive home from my parents' house. well, i think about this from time to time anyway. but i don't believe in anything. at all. i used to. but not anymore. i can't help but wonder 'what if i'm wrong?' i mean, i know that there is nothing out there, just like lots of people know that there is. what about these people that have actually seen things (ghosts, etc) with their own eyes and hearts? it makes me wonder. just because people have seen or felt things, doesn't mean they're real. i think that if you believe in something deeply enough, it becomes real--to you. that's not to say that nothing exists. life is just so much easier when it doesn't. or maybe these things do exist and i just haven't had any encounters with them because i haven't invited them into my life? it's like my mom used to tell me when i was little: if you don't invite bad spirits into your life, they won't come. which brings me back to my previous point: if you believe in something deeply, it becomes real to you. so then have i just rejected all sorts of supernatural feeling and belief to the point of numbing myself, so that even if i do encounter it, i won't be able to feel or see it? i really don't know. it's a confusing thing because i really don't think there is a way to prove it one way or the other. i guess it just boils down to how you choose to live your life. i hate not knowing though. it's annoying.

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