The tug of War

[ashe822]

     I love my stepson as if he were my own. Of anyone in his life I spend the most time with him. If you ask him he will tell you that we are best friends and that he loves me more. I hate sending him back to his mom. At the end of each week we have him, he turns from my sweet little boy to a monster I don't know. The day before it is time to return to his mother he screams at me, hits and kicks more, throws things, and becomes very rough with his baby sister. After each bad behavior he climbs in my lap and says that he never wants to leave me and daddy. He tells me he wants to stay here. It breaks my heart knowing I have to send him somewhere he doesn't want to go, and yet I have no say in the matter.

     I don't feel like his mother even fought for custody for herself. I feel like the only reason she tried to get custody is for her mother. Every weekend that is hers, whether she is working or not, she sends him to her mother's home an hour away. Then when she does have him with her, she is working the whole time and he is at daycare. I wish she would allow us to have full custody of him.

     I feel like he is in the middle of a tug of war that isn't fair to keep him in. He is being pulled in two different directions and he should be allowed to just be a kid, a little boy. In the last year and a half he has had to deal with a new stepmom, a new stepdad, a new house, TWO new siblings, and split custody. He has had to go to court two times and through all of this he smiles and shines and fills my heart with love. I wonder if I really loved him if it would be better to not make him live in this tug of war. Would it be better to let go so he wasn't being fought over? But then I also feel that we have and will provide the better home for him. I am so confused. This helps that I can write out my feelings and not keep them bottled inside.

[dsyron]

Apr. 27, 2009 at 9:45 PM

Your an Awesome Mom!