About me

[lilmama.4]

Hello

I am starting this journal cause I want to journal as I am going through this next season of my life.

I am a mom of four wonderful kids. a single mom. I was married for 10 years when my husband then left me for more of a life of drugs and partying and then of course there was another woman... well a few.

Our marriage was not always the best, due to drugs and lies that I lived with for so long. I would forgive and forgive and was even willing to forgive again when he threw in the towel. I then went through a very ruff couple of years. Lost everything, had to start over, but with four kids to take care of. But we did it. and are stronger today because of it.

My kids are now 11,8,6, and 4. Three daughters and a son. They are a handful but also the most amazing thing I have ever done. I am so blessed. My 8 year old was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder when she was turning 7. That was a very scary time. My baby was wanting to end her life and tried. Was going through crazy cycles or moods and more. It was like living in a nightmare.

This past fall she again was going trough a really hard time and has been in and out of hospitals. She had been on a few different meds, and everyday is like a adventure. I never know what I will be dealing with when I wake her in the morning. Will today be a crazy bad day, a sad day , or a very happy day. But even with this she is one of the most loving kids I could ever know. She loves her family and others so much. She tells me that God let her have this so some day she can also help kids that have feelings that scare them.

She also is a big help to my 6 year old daughter that is going through the screening also for bipolar. She is a amazing child (they all are) my six year old is the strongest person I know, and will someday be a female President :)

My oldest daughter is way to smart, and going through hormones LOL wow are those some fun times. A student in school, and loves to serve others.

And my son is a wild little 4 year old lol that it so girl trapped :)

We are a close family. There dad is in and out of there life, breaks my heart but I can't make him do anything. But pray for him all the time.

Back in November I was getting sick and was back and forth to my doctor when then in December found out that I was 13 weeks pregnant. I had no clue. I had not been with anyone since September. And I really do not live that kind of life style. I want to live out what I want for my daughter. I am not perfect but my heart is to be the woman God wants me to be.

I was shocked beyond what I can even say. but as I type this today I am 21 1/2 weeks Pregnant.

I am looking into adoption. I love this baby so much. I could have ended its life and had to not tell anyone. Step down from what I was doing at  my church or have to let down my kids. BUt I did not, I chose life. I do feel led to look into adoption. I cant take care of another child alone, but believe that this baby is for more greater then that. There is a plan that is bigger then just another life to be born.

I could not picture my life with out my kids. and hurts me to even think that way. I know there is a mother and father that are just waiting for God to bless them with what they can't hove on there own.

So that is why I want to journal. I feel the need to express these coming times. I want to remember it all and have a place to vent, talk and cry.