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I am the Denny's breastfeeding mother.
- Feb 13, 2009 at 6:07 PM
- By
- Comments (13) Total Views (284) Everyone can see this journal post.
Because of what happened to me at Denny's I feel horrible. I am being painted as someone that went looking for trouble, just because I have come to terms with the fact breastfeeding is not shameful. I feel like some are saying that I jumped onto a table and started offering lap dances or something. I didn't ask for people to look at me. I know some do, but I figure they will get over it as they should. They are projecting their own discomfort onto me, and turning me into a monster, because seeing me made them feel uncomfortable.
Babies are being harmed because mothers are intimidated into not breastfeeding (or for very long). All the restrictions other people want to put on the mother/baby pair keep women from breastfeeding much. That is why we have such a low rate of American breastfed children. We want the next generation of Americans to be strong, healthy and emotionally secure adults.
I am not rude, nor do I NIP uncovered to get
attention. That would imply I consider others in the equation at all.
When it comes to my family being healthy, you simply do not count. Especdially since all you have to do is not stare. Isn't staring rude?
That said I do care that people are uncomfortable, but that won't change until they are desensitized to it. I made a journal entry about this topic before this happened. I explained my feelings about my choice there.
I also wrote, but later edited on bad advice, my feelings about wanting to do something about the places that had no laws to protect us. I was meaning other than Asheville. I also stated that I would be willing to get arrested if need be to fight it in court, to get the laws changed...but that I couldn't because I was afraid of my milk drying up before I got out of jail...not to mention the fact my son is not yet on much solids.
I did not EVER imagine this would happen here. It is such a liberal place. Where I like to hang out at, places like Firestorm....nobody bats an eye. Not that I am sure I always notice, I simply am paying attention to other things besides what other think about what I am doing. I simply strayed a bit out of liberal down town into what only now occurs to me to be a, "southern bible belt" kind of place to eat....and on a Sunday of all days!
Even then, I have been there on Sundays nursing my child just as I was that day.
It was the manager that seated us, and she raised a fuss immediately. It was because of her that attention was brought to me. I was humiliated, embarrassed, shocked, angry, you name it, I felt it. I was so angry. The table next to us that was getting up as we sat down (empty plates and all) heard her call me out and so they looked. They had not looked before that, I didn't notice anyone looking...then again I might not have been paying attention. It did happen so fast.
She said to me, "you know bathrooms are for that kind of thing". I said back, "that is where you take a dump, no thanks". So after the manager, drawing attention to my breastfeeding child and myself told me I needed to cover up....I was glad I was prepared. I quoted the law to her (at this point I was shaking because I was so mad and she had the entire room looking at me). I told her that I hoped she was not my waitress (I didn't know she was the manager), and if she was I would like a different one please.
At this point everyone in there looked like they were about to break out the popcorn.
I felt so self couscous and humiliated. Like I had done something wrong. This is exactly why I stopped covering up, because I finally got over feeling the shame of doing something so great as feeding my child the best food for him. Now I was made to feel shame again! Well, almost over it....I still didn't like it if he popped off and my nipple showed, but that is in my other journal post.
So anyway it is SO DANG hard to write out this entire story because I miss a detail here or there or later I am more critical of what I wrote because I am not a professional blogger or anything. I want desperately for this to never happen again. I do not want breastfeeding in public to even be an issue. I am doing the best I can, as an imperfect person, to do what I think is right. Now I am being crucified for it by people that are trying to get some attention on themselves and other weirdos. Not to even meantion Denny's.
But right now I am tired of writing so there is going to have to be a part 2. Thanks for reading such a long post.
Comments:
You did NOT do anything wrong. Good grief. I can't believe that you are being attacked over this. Nursing is natural. And you see alot less boob from a nursing mother than you do Britney Spears, Victoria Secret's models, commercials, you name it.
I'm sorry there are so many ignorant people in the world. It is really sad when someone has to take something natural and beautiful like breastfeeding and turn it into a huge play for attention. Stay strong in knowing that you are doing what is best for your child, and there are thousands of us like you on Cafemom to support you in the "battle." I'm a NIP supporter, and I didn't even get to breastfeed my son!
The world needs more understanding mothers...
do not let people's rude, insensitive, and ignorant comments get to you. you know you are doing a good thing, not only for your son, but also for mothers like me who are too ashamed to nurse in public, covered baby or not. i hope to be more comfortable with myself by the time this next little one gets here, and i will remember women like you who have stood up for our right to feed our children with no shame.
there may be people criticizing you but there are also people like me who look up to you. there are a lot of us that are behind you and that are amazed by your strength and courage. im ashamed to say that i only nursed in public a hand full of times. for the first few months of my daughter's life i wouldnt go anywhere far away from my house so i would be able to drive home and nurse if my daughter got hungry. once she got old enough i would just give her crackers or juice when she wanted to nurse in public. she is 14 months now and i even go into the bedroom at MY OWN HOUSE to nurse her if we have FAMILY over. i truley look up to you and hope that one day i will be able to stop caring what people think about my decision to breastfeed. we really need more moms like you. thanks for fighting the fight for all of us
I live in Asheville, NC (in leicester), so I know which Denny's you're talking about. I'm also EBF my 5 month old daughter (no solids, not until at least 9 months or so...). I read your story, then when my mom and I went out to dinner the other night she said, "I heard about this lady on the news that was shamed for BFing at Denny's." She also said, "In my opinion, she should have covered up." (OBVIOUSLY she knows I'm BFing and how PASSIONATE I am about BFing) I told her, "mom, I love you and respect you, but she did NOT need to cover up. NO WOMAN NEEDS TO COVER UP. She was FEEDING her child. Some babies (mine) does NOT like to be covered up and it causes more of a scene and problem WHEN I cover up in public. Sometimes I'll try and cover up, but most times I don't and you know that. I don't mean to be a bitch, but she didn't need to go in the bathroom and she didn't need to cover up. The law says she does NOT need to cover up!" She just looked at me and said, "I understand. I just never NIP." I NIP all of the time. My daughter WILL NOT take a bottle. She just won't. I go to school full-time and my husband or whoever is watching her has to feed her my pumped milk through a medicine dropper because she won't take a bottle. She won't take a paci either. (My son didn't take a bottle either) When I fed my son (first child) I was so nervous and scared to BF in public. Now, I honestly don't care who I'm in front of. And right on cue, while we were eating dinner, DD started crying and needed to eat. I thought of you when I fed her and DID NOT cover up. :) Are you still organizing the nursing sit in? (I don't know if you were, but I'd be more than happy to join you!!) It just REALLY amazes me, being in Asheville of ALL places, that someone would be THAT upset about NIP uncovered. We're the freakin' hippiest people in the world, I swear.
Anyway, you're doing a beautiful thing and you have NOTHING to be ashamed of or anything. Don't let the jerks in the world bring you down. I'm sure they were pissed off because they didn't attempt to feed their child the CORRECT WAY, the way nature intended. You were just nourishing your child, loving your child. Doing what EVERY mother SHOULD be doing!!!!
Sorry this is so long, I could have kept going, but this is long enough. :) Peace be with you and your beautiful child!
Ohh that is so sad. I feel so bad that those people treated you that way. I can't believe no body tried to stick up for you. You didn't do anything wrong thats the bottom line no matter what other people try to say. They are the ones who are ignorant. (((hugs)))
my husband said, if the woman was being taking care of at home she would not have issues with this. Also some babies don't like to be covered up. I seen my neices and nephew's push the blanket out of the way. Yes who would want to go into a nasty bathroom and feed their child. GERMS CITY Would they cook in there for their customers no they wouldn't. There are more little slut ting people on the streets that show more skin then you did. Think about the short skirts the women wear these days and if the they bend over they need to go to Hooters I am sure they lady that complained would not take her family in there. Her husband and little boy would not want to eat they would stare. She should go there for a Sunday brunch. if the manager did not make a a sense this would not have happened. Just don't let this get you down YOU HAVE A LOT OF SUPPORT BEHIND YOU
I bet that manager wasn't breastfed... she's obviously not very smart.
(*note: I'm not dissing the FF babies, just making a joke at the expense of utterly stupid adults who can't seem to separate sex from a natural act of feeding a child.)
I'd like to appologise if my comment in the first post I read about this upset you. I was not attacking you. I do have an issue with women who bear all when in public to feed. I have bf all 3 of my kids in public. I do not cover up, but do discretely feed. Yes breast and nipple are occasionally visible but not for long. I'm fine and supportive with that, it's just the nearly naked women........ Anyway, my actual beef with this is the woman who was bfing on an airplane, according to the woman and what I read she said (as much as you can believe it's true) she was very exposed. Raised a stink and brought such a negative feeling to bfing in public in Canada. Not sure if you heard about it or not.
I'm glad you didn't feed your son in the bathroom.
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Aww honey, I am with you and so sorry. You have done nothing wrong!
- beccimae
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