February is both good and bad as well as happy and sad for me but I am tryin to make it more of a better month for me starting this year.  It's hard but I can at least try cause I know that I will be fine....

The Bad and Sad part of February for me:

Jeremy is away at school 6 hours away until I can get moved there at least which I hope is soon...

February 17th will be 5 years since losing one of my best friends Jen H. she was only 23 years old getting ready to start a family with her hubby Ethan when the Eagle Med plane that she was a flight nurse on went down outside of Dodge City, KS in 2004.  It's still hard to think about her being gone.

February 17th, 2005 Just a year after losing my friend I lost my baby girl and I still remember the dr saying that it was rare in my case having a miscarriage when I did cause I was 21 weeks she couldn't believe it and I still can't it's so hard to handle and I had her name already Emily Jaiden.  I still don't know how to tell the guy I was seeing at the time cause he was in Iraq when it happened so he didn't even know I was pregnant.  He lost his dad this last year to cancer so I don't know how to talk to him about it.

October 20th, 2006 I lost Gpa Brown to pancreatic cancer.  We found out one month in advance so it was very hard to deal with and that was the first time I met my dad...Gpa Reed started going downhill after we lost Gpa Brown they were so close and did everything together their birthdays were even 2 dayds apart...

February 22nd, 2007 I sat and held Gpa Reed's hand as he passed away...You talk about hard this is the same Gpa that helped raise me as I was growing up.  I went on vacation with him and Gma...I love him and miss him greatly...I was playing poker with him just 2 days earlier...

March 30th, 2007 we lost Aunt Vickie to bone and lung cancer....damn life just really sucks...She had 4 grandbabies she was supposed to have fun with.  She showed me how fun daycares should really be...

April 2007 Lay Lay ok that is her nickname cause none of the kids can say her name Leslie the oldest of Aunt Vickie's 3 daughters was in a bad head on collinson she survived and had a hard recovery but she is walking again when dr.s told her that she wouldn't...

February 22nd, 2008 was the last day that I got to spend with my Gma now don't get me wrond that was a very good day..but that was one year after losing Gpa...  We lost Gma on February 28th, 2008 to galbladder and ovarian cancer...she fought it very hard so that she could be there when Tanner was born...And she was the first person that I called when I went into labor.. she never left the hospital except to sleep the rest of the time she was there by my side..I love you and miss you gma...

 

The Good and happy:

February 19th, 2008 I had Tanner James and gma was there and spent time with him and loved every minute of it...he is my pride and joy and I love him so much...

This year on February 17th I am starting my Bachelor's program online...I know that doing this I will make everyone that I lost proud...and that makes me happy.

Like the song which if Gpa Reed was here he would say it to me:

"COWGIRLS DON'T CRY, RIDE, BABY, RIDE.  LESSONS IN LIFE ARE GOING TO SHOW YOU IN TIME, SOON ENOUGH YOUR GONNA KNOW WHY. IT'S GONNA HURT EVERY NOW AND THEN, IF YOU FALL GET BACK ON AGAIN, COWGIRLS DON'T CRY.

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