Being a single mother is a bit painful and unhealthy for me.

[bubblycute]

Before I start my posting, I'm talking about my own experience and no one else's so please understand if you read this I'm not putting anyone down in any way.

As I sat driving back from the airport last night, tears streaming down my face I couldn't help but realize that being a single mother isn't good for my child, it makes me wonder if it's good for any child? I pride myself on being a single mother, and conjuring up the strength it takes to get through day after day. To be there for my child without the support from anyone. I thank God every day for my beautiful little boy, and tell myself I don't need a man nor do we need his daddy in our lives to be happy.

I feel as though yesterday corrected that last little thought of mine. His father came in on friday for the weekend (Shawn's 3rd birthday was on Sunday) We took him to the airport late Sunday night, and as Steve stood up to tell Shawn good bye Shawn begged his daddy not to go "no bye bye daddy no" and his little heart broke as we waved to his daddy as he got on the plane.  Shawn couldn't comprehend  why daddy was leaving and not staying. I gather him up into my arms and we make the trek to the parking lot to my car where he won't get in because he is insistent that Daddy is going to come and put him in the car.

On the 15 minute drive home my little man sat in his carseat with a dead blank stare looking forward and silently crying. He just kept asking me for daddy. As the tears fell down my face and my heart broke I didn't know how to make my little man feel better. All I could do was think that this can't be healthy this can't be good for him. He needs his mommy and he needs his daddy. My 3 yr old should not have to learn to deal with letting some one go every other month. Seeing his daddy for 3 days every 2 months. This cant be healthy.

I can't help asking myself if I'm making the right choice, if I'm raising him to see that this mediocre part of life is acceptable. I don't want him to have to deal with learning to be ok with a father through the phone and briefly in his physical life. Do I make the choice and pack up my life to move closer to where his father lives so he can always be a part of his life, or do I selfishly stay where I am and deal with the pain of being a single mother?

[MSugarKane]

Feb. 16, 2009 at 11:08 PM

"Daddy" also has that option to move closer to his son. What you have to weigh in here is exactly what behaviors you separated/divorced from and how much you want your son to see and be a part of in his daily life if you did live closer.  Three is a difficult age, but in a few years he will get used to the schedule and it will just become his normal routine of life.

[bubblycute]

Feb. 17, 2009 at 12:37 AM

Thanks MsugarKane, It's so tough and heart breaking to be in this spot.

(Original Poster)