insanemom3's Journal

"SO, tell me what you REALLY think!!!"

January 14th 2009 I was finally released from the doctors care for my Blastomycosis and last week I found another bump on my leg where the blastomycosis was before. It was there I could feel it, but it was not raised up on the skin. Now, yesterday I was in the shower and I saw it was raising up on my leg now becoming more visible.

This is so scary to me because this is how this whole thing started last time and not only that but it has only been 2 weeks since I had my  last pills and one month  since I was released. 

I called yesterday to make an appointment with the Dr. to get it rechecked  but he was booked up his next visit. So, I spoke to a nurse and she said to give it a week and My husband and I are not comfortable  with that because everything happened so fast last time when we waited and then I needed surgery, the next appoint time wasn't until March,. so I at least took that and if it gets worse before then I will have to go to Madison. It is only a few weeks but at least they are aware of the problems.

Please, please God let it not be coming back! I don't want to die! Dear God, I am so scared, please make this be nothing and let me be OK. I thought we were done with this .....what if it is coming back?...what if we can't get it under control again?...what if I am taken away from my babies?...These questions just keep popping up in my head and they wont go away I try to give up my worries to God but these are so strong that it is so hard....to think of anything else.

If it is my turn to go, what will my family do? what will my children do? will my husband be ok? AHHHH I can't take it anymore!!! My mom says to think positive but all this keeps coming back. When I look at my little boy I just start crying!

I feel so alone right now with no one to talk to.....

If anyone reads this all I ask is that you remember me in your prayers......


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Comments:

twoto...
Feb. 18, 2009 at 12:06 PM I am so sorry. If you need anything, even a shoulder to cry on please let me know. My prayers are with you.

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abelmm2
Feb. 18, 2009 at 2:40 PM

You are in my prayers.  God bless.

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Rhian...
Feb. 18, 2009 at 9:32 PM

You are in my prayers.  Think positive.

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MomOf...
Feb. 19, 2009 at 11:35 AM

oh I hate to hear that you having to deal with this again girl!!! I will definately keep you in my prayers. If you need anyone to talk to then just let me know!hugging

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