Feeling Guilty

[1sttime_mommy2b]

I wanted so badly to be able to do what was best for my child.  I wanted to breast feed for a year.  I wanted to steer clear of formula but everything was working against me.  At two months he was very underweight from breast feeding exclusively.  We tried supplementing formula and he started to grow quickly.  Then there were the awful gas pains.  He wasn't the happy baby he had been at one month old.  He was in pain all the time and I hated it.  He wasn't tolerating lactose.  Isomil was the only thing that was helping him and he was able to keep down.  I thought that okay... I can nurse him once or twice a day  and he can still get those benefits but he'll be on formula the rest of the time.  Then my husband left for basic combat training with the army.  I was alone with my son all the time and unable to accomplish anything (I have a rather bad case of ADD.)  I'd been off my meds since becoming pregnant and definately could not take them while nursing.  I was everywhere at once and realized I was not doing everything I could do for my son.  I was torn and feeling guilty everyday that I wasn't being the mom he deserved.  At 3 months, i weened him and he is on isomil only.  He has less tummy aches and spits up less.  I am back on my meds and feel great.  I can accomplish so much more when he's down for his nap and am working hard on being healthy and happy. (or as happy as I can be being separated from my husband)  I know everyday that he's a developing healthy happy child.  despite all these positive changes,I still feel guilty that I was unable to continue breast feeding.  I just wanted my son to have it all and he has to settle for what I can give him.  As confident as I am that I made the right choice, I can't shake the little bit of nagging guilt.  I'll get over it at some point I guess.  So to all the mommies out there, I've noticed that there is a great deal of judgment towards the women who could not, for whatever reason, breastfeed their children.  Please watch your hurtful words and know that we are all trying our best to do what is right for our children.  God bless.

P.S. the pediatrician was involved in all of the decisions I made reguarding my son's health.  Thank you.

[goatmom4]

Feb. 19, 2009 at 1:30 PM

you sound like a great mom  I would feel worried If I was unorganized    and off my add  meds. I am sure he is happy   and growwing sounds like a good choice for all  of you

[older]

Feb. 19, 2009 at 1:37 PM

NO REASON TO FEEL GUILTY, YOU ARE WHAT GREAT MOMS ARE ALL ABOUT!