"Who she was"....

[ivelostmyself]

tonight my family and i watched a movie, and it got me thinking about some things. it was "one night with the king" based on the novel by tommy tuney. it tells of queen esther from the bible, and her quest to save the jewish people during her time. it was a great movie and i recommend it for anyone. it plays out like a lavish fairy tale. but there was a message with a deeper hidden meaning that began unfolding before me. it is something that i did know before, but something that i truly believe i needed reminded of-so much so that i felt compelled to write a journal about it.

as the story of esther was told, i payed alot of attention to the fact that of "who she was". she was a jew. at that time, there was a man who hated the jews and his lifes work was to annihlate jews from the face of the earth (do we see a pattern here?) he wormed his way up to second in command of the king. but one thing standing in the way of his lifes work was the queen. the secret jewish queen. not even the king knew she was a jew. she was afraid to let others now "who she was".  it wasnt that she was ashamed, but she knew she could be of no good to her people if her religion was found out and others tried to have her over thrown. so she kept quiet. but you know she had to be scared. to love your husband, but wonder if he found out your secret if he would kick you out? how WOULD he react? how would the kingdom react? she was an orphan. a no body. just a jewish girl who happened to make it to queen. that may seem like such a big thing to you or i, but remember in that time, a woman was pretty much worthless, whether she was the queen or not. she was disposable. esther must have thought "who am i that i would be worthy? im an orphan. im jewish. im a woman. i am from the lowest of the low?" you have to admit, that would not be good for ones self esteem.

  and i started thinking-how many times have i thought that about myself? "im the lowest of the low?" im overweight. im moody. id rather sleep all day than do laundry. maybe im lazy. i yell at my kids. i turned my husband down for sex this morning. i dont do this...i dont do that...i dont measure up...and i start to believe that all of those things make up "WHO I AM".  then i started feeling drawn into the movie, as i could almost identify with the pain that queen esther was feeling. not being "enough". not wanting anyone else to know "who she was".

but then, the story progressed, and showed me more. esther just trusted God. she cried out to him. asked Him for guidance. asked Him for help. she just trusted Him and knew He was there, even if it didnt seem like it at the time. my friends, that is called faith. no, GREAT FAITH. esther had great faith. and all she did was be obedient, and as she excercised her faith, she grew stronger. she no longer saw herself as the "orphaned jewish girl" but she saw herself as the "daughter of the great I AM". wow. that was her TRUE identity. and as she remembered who she really was, not only did her faith grow, but her strength grew as well. she was able to come forward and save the jewish people. her people. her fathers people. Gods people. what an amazing gift that would be. for God to see you that big in His eyes. but the thing is, He saw her that big all along. He already knew what destiny she had. He made it. it was HER (or perhaps a lingering enemy) that saw her otherwise. i also thought about others in the bible who were considered no one special, but God used them for great things.

moses-when he was born, he was tossed in a river because of who he was (a boy). when he was older, he was raised as pharaos grandson. later, he ran away because of what he had done (killed the egyptian who was beating the jewish slave). so he tried to run from his past. then he sees the burning bush. God Himself tells moses Hes going to use him to set the jewish people free from slavery. moses reply? "Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" WHO AM I? i murdered someone. i ran away. im a sheep herder! what good could I do? we all know how well He did. God trusted moses to do some of His biggest work...

king david-when he was just a boy, he knew his true identity. his faith was so big he let God use him to kill goliath. his older brothers were angry and kept telling him "who do you think you are? your just a kid! if we cant do that job, we KNOW you cant do it, and your a fool for even thinking you can!" later on, its time for samuel to annoint a new king. he is led by God to david's fathers house. davids father, jesse, assembles all of his sons at the house for samuel to see who will be the new king. well, he assembles all but david. he thinks so little of david, that he leaves david out in the pasture looking after the sheep. kind of like cinderella at the ball. he was so insignificant, his own father didnt think he had the potential to be king. boy, was he wrong.

gideon-the israelites had once again disobeyed God, and the medianites were allowed to rule over them. the medianites were NOT nice to them. finally, the israelites called out to God for help. God sent an angel to gideon. the angel told gideon "the Lord is with you". gideon was like "yeah right. if He was here, why is all this bad stuff going on? God has abandoned us and just left us to rot. He doesnt care". (does that sound familiar-like so many of us now days?) the angel said "Go in the strength you HAVE (implying God had already given gideon the strength he would need for that day BEFORE that day even came) and save israel." then gideon started the "well, my family is nothing. i am a nobody. we are the weakest people anywhere you look! were worthless! not only is my family weak and nobody, im the least in my whole family!" again the angel told him God had destined him to strike down the medianites and lead israel out of their rule. gideon still was wary, and he said "ok. if your serious about this, give me a sign. i dont think you are really God, i dont think He would ever pick ME to do anything big, so if it is really you, show me. im going to go get an offering for you, wait right here." so gideon goes and fixes up his goat (which would take along time. to slaughter, skin, butcher and cook a goat) and made some unleavend bread. then he brought the meat and the bread to the angel. the angel told him to put them on the rock, and pour the broth off of the goat. so gideon did. the angel had a staff in his hand and touched the meat and bread with his staff and the rock caught on fire and burned up the meat and bread. hmmm. as the redneck comedian bill engval would say, "heres your sign". so gideon tried every excuse in the book to not follow what God was flat out telling him. hes too stupid and weak. he doesnt believe thats really God....but his destiny was fulfilled as well.

and last but not least, who could forget rahab? she was in the book of joshua. she was a pagan prostitute, had no interest in God. the king in jericho had heard there were isrelite spies in the town who were scoping the place out so they could take it over. so the king went on a rampage to hunt down the israelites. but God had told them to go to a specific place that just turned out to be rahabs house. she took them in and hid them there. when the kings lynch men came at her door, she told them the guys had left the city early in the night, so they gave up their search. while she was hiding the israelite spies in her home, she confessed to them that she had decided to believe in the stories she had heard about thier God. she had heard of the stories of moses and the red sea, and all the great things God had tried to do for the israelites. she confessed with her mouth that she believed God was the one true God. God didnt care that she was a prostitute. He used her anyway. and i believe she felt that. she knew that all God was interested in was her heart, not her social status. the israelite spies promised rahab that because she helped them, she would be saved when they invaded the town. they told her to put a red cord out of her window so the army would know to spare that home. when the town was conquered, joshua told the spies to go to her house and bring her out. so they went and took her, her parents, her family, and all their belongings and made them a camp, before burning the city down. she was the only one in jericho who came to trust in God. and her part was big too. because she hid the spies, they were able to tear down the wall of jericho,and the israelites were able to posses that land.

i really feel God put these stories on my heart tonight. it reminded me that it doesnt matter who you are. it doesnt matter who you think you are. it doesnt matter who others tell you that you are, it doesnt matter what lie youve been told, or what your weaknesses are that will hold you back. God still has a plan for you. He still wants to use you, no matter what youve done, or what your going to do. it doesnt matter your level of faith in Him. it just matters that you open yourself up a little, and give Him the chance to prove to you WHO HE IS....i just felt i needed to get this out. i dont care if you tell all your friends about it. i dont care if you vote it popular. i just care that maybe one mom will stumble across this, and really need some encouragment to live up to what God made her to be. then someone elses destiny will be fulfilled....

[thehairnazi]

Feb. 21, 2009 at 12:20 AM

cool, sarah! you'd never believe it (of course, you would!), but all night i've had this one song on my mind, even posted part of it on my facebook profile...it kinda fits what you're talking about here. 'stay strong' by the newsboys(google it, if you aren't familiar)...my fave part is '..have you forgotten who you are? have you forgot whose trip  you're on?'...because i forget all the time!!

also, another song you might like is 'hope now' by addison road...in this song, what speaks to me is the line 'i'm not my own, i've been carried by You all my life.'

cool, huh?

[halfadozenofem]

Feb. 21, 2009 at 12:25 AM

AWESOME POST!!!!!!!!  Thank you so much for sharing this.....

[mooii76]

Feb. 21, 2009 at 12:27 PM

Great post Sara, this is exactly what I needed to read first thing this morning.  I love it.  Sometimes I do forget who I am and that there is someone who carries me thru it all, I need to have more faith.  Thanks again!

[jareda69]

Feb. 28, 2009 at 2:06 AM

Just what I needed to read tonight. You're one  smart lady .

[Ilovesnickers]

Mar. 5, 2009 at 12:40 PM

Truly awesome!