Stress and the impact it has on me

[ladyauthor2b]

Sometimes life tends to get stressful. Sometimes you expect it and other times you just want to yank out your hair for all the unexpected and unpredicted surprises. My life is no different.  First of all, let me say that I'm in that sandwich nitch these days, still have kids at home and also have aging parents who need my help.

For my younger two kids, I'm still pretty much "taxi service". My daughter is a junior this year and I keep pushing her to seek out a job, one for that spending money she seems to think I'm never short of having in my wallet; and two just so she can obtain her own wheels and get to places on her own. She has a drivers license, but needs insurance to drive and I can't afford to add her to my policy. So she needs a job.  I'm not rich enough to buy her a car or to co-sign on a loan. She's going to have to save for it the old fashioned way. Only problem is that she's on delay entry into the work force. Ah, sometimes she cites her grades for the reason NOT to work yet, but then again, she could use that excuse for another year. I want her to PASS and to GRADUATE next year for sure.  I'll keep working on her to at least get my bird-refusing-to-leave-the-nest out there and put applications in. She has tried out three places in the past year, but they just never called her back, except for one, for an interview, but she was totally unprepared for that one.

My son on the other hand has graduated and is working, but he inherited Grandma's old car. It was already having issues with the right window NOT rolling down and the air conditioner being kaput.  Then he had problems with a blowout and he rode on the dummy spare for about a month because he was too lazy to get a tire replacement. And he had to get a new rim because when it blew , he was turning a corner and really messed it up when it came crashing down. The wheel lugs weren't tight and so gravity took it down in a big way. What an experience that afternoon was! So after that fiasco, he's been trying to get by with this car and the fact that the muffler system started to have issues too, and then the battery died. Gosh, this kid never got a break and he had to literally park his car on the curbside! So he put back $200 out of one paycheck he did manage to save and not splurge on. And he filed for his tax refund, which will be near $900. So that would be a good down payment towards another car, but he's got his eye on a used camero that one of his working buddies wants to sell him. I keep telling him to be prepared for his insurance rate to go up higher riding in one of those. Does he listen- NO!

So recently, I've been driving him back and forth to work, since his car inspection sticker expired and really , we all don't want to sink anymore money into that car!

In between all this, MY car broke down. Major engine work required. Luckly, my hubby knows how to fix them, so we plunked down $800 on another motor. A used motor, but it's suppose to have a "guarantee" for a short period of time. First of all, my husband works as a driver for the hospital and usually gets off late most evenings, so that just leaves the weekend to get this kind of stuff done. It took him one weekend to get the old motor out and another weekend to get the "new" one in... and that's paying $45 for a motor lift twice so far! Geesh!!  Hopefully in the next two weekends, he might get it put back together, but then he tells me that he noticed that my back brake is leaking some fluid and that needs to be repaired before I can drive it. Oh, great!

Thank God that my mother allowed me to borrow her car. Well, I say that's good news in one sense as it leaves me the freedom to continue on with life. I'm a pretty responsible driver and she knows I'll be very careful in it. She's 80 this year and really has become a hermit of sorts. Doesn't go anywhere on her own anymore. Not even bingo. She wants her spouse to drive her everywhere, but my step-dad is older, so doesn't always pay attention. That scared me, so I tried to step in to run them places, like to get their groceries or get them to the doctor appointments, Which is the right thing for me to  do, but I find myself really losing my patience on some days. I found them to be irrascable about some habits and traits. My mother needs to use her walker, but doesn't want to use it. My stepdad will go out and work in the yard on his own will, but when he gets to the hospital, he hobbles like he's very helpless and feeble. I grit my teeth and encourage him to move along down the hallways.

My mother is beginning to get forgetful, but she recalls when it;s time to pay bills and wants me to help write the checks. But at the same time, what she pays with checks, he wants to pay his bills in cash. Let me tell you, the bank teller looks at me funny when I asked to withdraw everything but $100 in one account (His) and just drew out only $100 in the other (hers) because of the way they pay for stuff. The bills he has are all utility bills anyways, so luckily the grocery store in town , I can usually pay two or three at one time, but I have to stand in line to do this, with the cash of course.

Another thing that gets me is that my mom is Catholic, but she was never really devout when she was younger. Now that she's older, while I'm at the store, she insists I restock her supply of those religious candles. They have to be certain ones.  I can't just grab something that looks pretty and is on sale. And she burns three at a time. I would think one would be reasonable. What do I know? I've never was a devout religious person either. I guess when I get old and getting closer to all eternity, I guess I might burn three candles too. I don't know.

All these little things tend to really get me stressed. I feel on some days I don't have time just for myself. Even in my own household, I still have to clean, dust, sweep, do laundry. After work , I still have to run my own errands like get gas in the car, buy something for supper, swing by and pay my own bills as my husband works to late to help out in these things. And I put in 40 hours a week at a full time job and that can be stress too. I feel like the Lone Ranger!

I'm also diabetic and lately I struggle to watch what I eat and walk for excercise. I can be good at work, but that's because there things are more structure, I can walk during my break and grab a salad, apple and milk for lunch.  I know that my doctor wants me to balance things so that my glucose stays consistent, but Lord knows when I get stressed out, boy how I want to chomp down on a warm brownie topped with ice cream! And give me a double helping - Please! Stress will get you to binge eat for sure! And I can't do that.

I have goals for this year, to lose weight and to get a better grip with my time management. I don't know how I'm going to continue with this other stuff interfering, but I have to find a way. Granted , my only sense of relaxation is when I sit in front of the computer and get to vent or write something... and listen to my music through my headphones, but even that gets limited because by the time I can get to it, it's bedtime. Sigh....

I should be grateful that my kids still need me and that my parents are still alive to need me. It's just that on some days, I really long to just dwell on me. Am I being selfish? What's the solution? Probably right now, I'll just have to deal with the added stress and just keep on rolling with the punches. Because that's how stuff impacts me.

[destiny760]

Feb. 21, 2009 at 6:45 PM

Girfriend, I do feel for you. There's no simple solution, gotta do what ya gotta do. I think you need a good massage...