When something's wrong

[livetolaughlove]

Of course every mama wants to be able to brag to their friends and family what new milestones their little baby is conquering now. Of course it is only natural to feel pride every time your little baby does something new. It is exciting when a baby learns something for the first time, and you want to shout from the roof tops to anyone who will listen. So what happens when your baby is missing out on reaching some milestones, and you start hearing,"well by now, she should be doing..." And every time some asks if she's crawling, or worse, when they want to know if she's walking yet; and I have to admit that there is something wrong with my precious little girl. I have to explain that because she has hypotonia that she doesn't hit the milestones at the same rate as other March babies.  And even though I know it's true that every baby will develop when they are ready and not a moment sooner, I have to admit I let things go too long because I didn't want to admit that something was wrong with my daughter..I kept telling myself to focus on what she was doing. I did not want to let what she wasn't doing to get me down. Now I feel so stupid, because I knew in my gut that things weren't right, and yet I allowed myself to let it go on because I wasn't admitting it to myself. I was in denial. That is the worst thing about pride: it can stand in the way of listening to your inner voice. Pride can make it really difficult to admit when there's something actually wrong. Today I make a solemn vow that I will never again let my own pride cloud my judgement when it comes to my daughter. I will never again let that inner voice be silenced by my pride. I am going to do everything I can to help my daughter develop and grow into a healthy person, and that must include giving  her the ability to trust herself and to listen to her own inner voice, which I can only teach to her by example. So today I make these promises to myself. Now with these promises, I realize that there are underlying lessons in life. Not only do I have to realize that Pride can have a negative influence in making decisions, but also I have to really trust myself enough to let that inner voice really be heard.  I don't love my daughter any less because of this, in fact I love her even more. i accept my daughter just as she is, and I will always be there for her with a reassuring hug, and and all my love. I can not change what is, but I can accept, adapt and do my very all to improve the situation. I wasn't born knowing how to be a mother. I only became a mother 11 months ago and I am still in the process of learning to be her mother. I am lucky though because my daughter teaches me everyday. Today she was accepted into Early Steps Program, so we are one step closer to getting the help she needs, and I am so thankful.

[Evansmommy0530]

Feb. 23, 2009 at 7:20 PM

We have something in common!  The love we had for our child and it pain, hurt, and challenges, and joys of having a child who needs a little extra to help them be the best!!   Evan was diagnosed Dec 3 and I knew he was behind in some areas and had friends who would compare my son to theres and such.  But my pride was in thinking he old has sensory problems and its not Autism!  Thats when my heart broke, and then became much bigger and stronger for my son!  We are the blessed ones who God trusts to take care of the ones who need more help!  Things will only get better!  Call me sometime please!  772-979-3387

Melissa

[machteldt]

Feb. 24, 2009 at 6:32 PM

(((HUGS)))

I am so glad she was accepted and like I said before, I was in your shoes about 7 years ago with my first. Know ing something was wrong but ignoring it. Don't beat yourself up. You have written a wonderful touching post that I hope can help other mommas out there. Yea for ALEAH! SHe has almost made it to her first year of life- that in itself is a wonderful feat, no matter what milestone she is at.  Been thinking about you, so busy though. Lots of appts coming up with my bunch. Then birthdays and a trip to Gulf Shores on 3/14!

[CheyennesMom03]

Mar. 2, 2009 at 2:24 PM

The lessons that our children teach us are priceless!! Some people never overcome their pride. I have a cousin who has Asperger's and wasn't diagnosed until he was 17 because my Aunt couldn't get around her pride until then, so you are way ahead of the game, Aleah is soo lucky!!!

[NutritionMama]

Mar. 3, 2009 at 9:33 PM

Big hugs to you and Aleah both!