My Strange "Little" Family

[hilbilimac]

My dilemma for life has been this: How can you accept and love someone with your whole heart...totally abandon yourself to loving them...and then just stop?

I've married twice and divorced twice. In the process, I've gathered "family." Family that I can't just rip out of my heart--not even my exhusbands. This includes children, sisters, brothers, mothers,  fathers, and friends. I've birthed two sons yet I cannot remove my stepdaughters from the same category. I crave their presence. Admittedly, it isn't the same as my sons, but they are without a doubt there.

So I have this dislocated family and my heart tugs back and forth and I struggle with the ability of some of them to be so casual still with me, to be interested in my life, etc. when it was not my choice to end my marriages.

(And for those of you asking who could be so stupid as to make the same "mistake" twice, well, apparently I can, but it can happen to you easier than you know)

But this entry is just to say to all my extended-extended family and immediate family (especially Andy, Jim, Alex, Michael, Monica, Alyssa, Beth, and Melanie) that in a very real way, you are still in my heart and I am just not ever going to change that. I can't. I don't work that way...and I am glad for that. No divorce in the world can change certain aspects of the heart.

 

[emilex]

Feb. 24, 2009 at 12:29 PM

This makes total sense to me.  I have a hard time seeing that anyone wouldn't feel the way you do.