At peace, at last...

[rhope4]

Well, my ex is in jail in my hometown, and he actually surprised me in a good way...

A little background first.
     My father went to see him Sunday before last and was Anthony's first visitor as far as I know.  I wrote Anthony a letter that was sure to make him mad, but it needed to be done.  I simply put responsibility for his actions on HIM.  No longer was I accepting responsibility for his actions when I have no control over him and never did.  He made the decision to act as he did and do the things he did...I had nothing to do with that.  I also jumped him pretty good for all the lying he's done to others as well as me.

Then I let him know I forgave him.  It didn't mean that I would open myself up to him, but I forgave him.  I would still hold him accountable through the courts, but I forgave him.  I would still protect the kids and myself, but I forgave him.

Well, I took the kids to see him, and HE DIDN'T SAY ONE WRONG WORD!!   Shocked instead of surprised would be the better word to describe how I felt.  I expected him to cause all kinds of trouble, but he didn't.  Instead, he told my oldest to straighten up or he'd end up in jail like him (Anthony).  He said that people as young as 17 (not sure how true this is) can end up in the same room with him, and the youngest so far is 18 right now.  Calvin lacks a year and a half being 17, and he didn't say a word when his father told him this.

We only had 20 minutes with him, but I'm satisfied with the way things went.  From now on, I'll let the kids decide if they want to see him or not.  I wouldn't want them resenting me for not allowing them to see their father even though he hadn't shown a bit of interest in seeing them since August.

Personally, I'm hoping this experience will wake Anthony up, but I'm not holding my breath.  I would love to see him become the man I thought he was when I married him.  Maybe then we could become friends, but if he wants to lie and continue to show me "who is boss," then that will remain impossible.  I divorced him because I don't like being controlled or abused, and he did both.  I'm now happily married to a wonderful man who can't stand him, lol.

[vintagechicken]

Feb. 24, 2009 at 10:29 PM

Sounds like he has had time to do a lot of soul searching since he had been in there.  Sounds like it is going to be good for him!   

[eeyoreplus4]

Jul. 17, 2009 at 8:13 PM

I'm glad to see that God has brought you to this place in your life.