trying not to give in

[Buggirl]

Well things have been pretty shaky in my marriage... and ive been on the verdge of running, But i talked to a friend, and told her i just feel like gods telling my i need to stay a little while longer... somethings coming and i can feel it... Well moneys been tight, bc my husband needs his toys, and ive been doing everything i could to keep our heads above water... then i get mad one night and told him exactly how i felt... Ive given up everything for him... i gave up my home in NY, my family, i moved 500 miles from my home and quit both my jobs that i loved up there... ive givin up all my friends from back home, and worse yet, i have no one here at all. His family is here but they all take his side no matter what... plus they aint the nicest people. Anyhow i let it out, i told him i was walking bc i couldnt take his crap. He acts like he dont care, he ignores his son, unless its something to do with racing, hes got a 2 year old so wrapped up in dirt bikes & i just think its wierd. But anyhow he asked me not to go, to give him another chance, Ive given him plenty believe me, its like the same fight on repeat... over and over. I told him i didnt think there was a chance left. But as i said to my friend i feel like somethings coming & i need to be here... I told him he'd have to sell his car to help out with the money problems, and have to stop going apeshit about all they toys he wants and put me and his boy first... well the second part hasnt really cleared up, but at least hes got a buyer for his car... thank God! So the stress of bills will be taken off... then of course we need to see where our marriage is going, i still have the great desire to run from him, bc i know hes not gonna chance, and just keep hurting me (not phsyically of course i mean emotionally) and hes still dead set on what toys he wants to get once we get outta our situation.. you know leave one to get back into another.  But i know i gotta hold on, for a little longer, i feel it deep in my soul & i know to most of you moms out there in perfect relationships you cant even imagine leaving your mate... i thought i'd be the same way, but i think me & him werent right from the begining and ive been trying to save our marriage from the beginning... and i dont think i have much more of a fight in me... idk i just needed to vent i guess for the most part... but im trying to remember to smile and keep a happy face for everyone around.. its just hard somedays!