Where I am now~~~

[kayleighsmummy]

Once again where do I begin..........

It's been 5 and a half months, since my life got turned upside down. Since my world got bombed with the news on another loss that I had to face....... With no choice at all but to stand up and be braver for the ones who couldn't. Thanks bitch.

 

I faced each day, Thanksgiving with the empty chair that wasn't really empty at all, and Christmas morning with out him there but the snow falling lightly outside the big window.

Then it was my birthday........ and he did not call. I knew that it was my first birthday of many that I would never hear his voice again. A man who held me close almost 38yrs ago close on the cold day in January, would never say Happy Birthday to me again. Thanks bitch.

 

There are things that I didn't realize would be so hard when all of this first happened...... never will I be able to call. Never will he walk the walk with me if it's taken. Never will he hold my hand when I am scared. Never will he stand with me at my son's grave and tell me it's alright. Never will he be able to touch our lives again, only in ways that we believe.

 

Each 19^th of the month and even every Friday, I look at the clock no matter when I am at 5;20........ and think so fondly of a man who did not want to leave us so soon. Who none of us were ready to let go. A song will play, and my sis and I so many miles away will know that it's him saying hey. But never again will he say hey that's a good song turn it up. Thanks bitch.

 

My life is never going to be the same again........ and you've done this to me and my family. You've done with to my mom who can't stand to look at the same phone and same chair that she got the call in when you had taken her husband from her. You've left her alone with four grown children, who do everything that much more for her now. She's alone! She's alone! Did you hear me she's alone, because of you! And my brother who took in my mom that night, and made the worse phone calls that he ever had to. He can't even talk about it. He can't even make words to deal with the pain and anguish that you have caused him to experience. My brother who's son and soon to be daughter are so young, may not ever know what a wonderful man my dad was. Will never have the memories that they've had torn from them. My sister who would call my dad in the middle of the day, now calls me to tell me that she did well on an exam. My daughter who had just lost her brother has now lost her grandfather too.............

All your sorry's and your tears and your punishment and what ever comes out of this case, will never EVER replace the pain and hurt that we've endured.

 

So cry what you need to cry before we get to trial. Say what you need to say to your parents before we get there too........ because the only thing that you need to do that day is hang your head and pray! Cuz there is nothing that you can do or say to make the pain that I feel ever go away! EVER!!

[bluiidmommy]

Feb. 28, 2009 at 9:22 PM

I'm so sorry for your pain.  She was drunk, right?  I'm sorry, but those people don't get nearly the strong sentences they deserve.

[momof3girls75]

Feb. 28, 2009 at 11:17 PM

I am so sorry for your loss! I teared up when I read this journal. I have lost many loved ones and I know how you feel! Just know that your dad is watching over you day by day. ((HUGS))

[grandmomma5]

Mar. 1, 2009 at 2:40 PM

I can't imagine what you are going through; I lost my Daddy to a surprise massive heart attack but I believe God had a reason for him going home.  I am so, so sorry for you & your family & I truley hope this girl pays not only with jail time but with pain in her heart knowing she can never ever fix this one.  Love, hugs & prayers Sheila