just needing to vent! (no judging plz)

[ColtonS_Mommy1]

Ok, before I say everything, I dont want to be judged about this because I have already judged myself and came to terms with it all... this is going to be long but here goes...

So my ex hubby and I got married in 12/05, I was only 17 at the time and he was 33. I was really too young to get married at the time and i realize all this now. But we were happy for a little while. He had just started his own business (a mechanic shop) at the first of April. Then I turned 18. Well I thought that I knew better then he did and when he would say not to do something, it made me want to do it even more! Well i ended up runnung off for about 2 months and when I came back, I was pregnant (but it wasnt his).

Well we stayed together and filed for divorce in September of 2006. Thats when I strted being the "perfect wife". I cooked, cleaned, everything that Mrs Cleaver did! lol...

Even though we were going through the divorce and I was pregnant by someone else everything was good... an I was so happy with him! I had realized that he was the love of my life!

Well the big day came... November 21 2006. We were suppose to be at court that morning for the divorce, but I couldnt go because I was pregnant and in TN you cant get divorced if your "with child". Well he asked me if I wanted him to go and instead of telling him what I wanted I told hime to do what he wanted! I said that since he had already spent all the money on it and everything that he should just do it! Soon as he pulled out of the drive way, I hit the floor in tears! My life was coming to an end! In my heart I was longing for him to pull back in and say that he couldnt go, but he never did. I went to the bathroom and spent the next 30 minutes sick as a dog!!!! (I had never been sick throughout the whole pregnancy!) When he finally did come back, we were no longer married!

We stayed together though and went to Mexico for Christmas just as planned, even though I was 35 weeks pregnant by this time. His whole family thought that the baby was his and he let them believe it. They didnt know that we had gotten divorced or anything. So why tell them? We were happy, so it didnt matter.

When we got back to TN things started going down hill... He started asking when I was moving out and saying that he couldnt raise a child that wasnt his and everything. Where did all this come from i kept thinking???? We were doing great! Whats going on??? Well apparently my cousin (who was dating his brother) decided to tell everything that she knew! He told me that there was no way he could lie to his family while his brother knew the truth. I understood and made plans that after I had the baby I would leave and that would be that.

On January 20th he said he was going to his families house and would be back later.... Im not going into detail here because I will start crying too badly, but he never made it to his families house, he went out with some girl instead! (like I really have alot of room to talk after cheating on him, but at this time I wasnt thinking like that)

We ended up fighting it out and he told me to leave. I had 2 days to get everything andfind somewhere to go! I was heart broken! I loved this man so much and it took going through all this to realize it! But I got all my stuff pouit in storage and moved in with my mom. 10 days later (1/31/07)I had my baby.

We still saw each other off and on... more on then off. I got my own apartment in March and he begged me to move back home! I wanted to so badly, but we were talking about buying a house and I told him to just wait till then. (that never happened) He ended up telling me that he was sorry and he had tried so hard, but couldnt get past the fact that the baby wasnt his. He didnt want to raise another mans child. I had no choice but to let him go. It hurt like hell but I did it. (not 1 day goes by that I dont think about him and miss him so badly!!!!)

Now I am married to hubby #2 and am pregnant with another little boy due 4/15/09.

My ex is in jail because he got involved with this 17 year old and her parents pressed charges, well she had his baby and they dropped it, but the state picked it up, and he is serving a 4 month sentence on it.

I wrote him the other day, I had to! I had found out that the girl he is with now, is cheating on him! I already saw the pain he went through when I did it. I had to watch him cry and I felt his pain cut through me when he spoke to me. I cant let him sit in there and think she loves him and that everything is going to be ok, when its not! And apparently its more then one guy that she is with! And she has been taking his child with her to have sex with these men, and tried to do it in his bed!

Am I wrong for telling him??? Should I have just left it alone?

I also sent him $10, because he has nothing! She was too busy with whoever, that she didnt bother to take him any clothes or hasnt thought to take him any money either! He is sitting in there thinking that she loves him and that she is waiting on him, but shes not! And personally I think she is worse then I was! I atleast told him! I stepped up and took responsibility for my actions! I live with myself everyday for the mistake I made! I love him with all my heart andf I really couldnt stand the thought of her her hurting him like I did! He was a great man! Not too many men would have been  as patient or as kind in our situation.

Im sorry for all this.... but I had to talk to someone and why not just tell it on here?!?!? lol

Dont get me wrong though, I care deeply about my now dh, but if for some reason my ex pulled up and said "lets go" I would run out the door and never look back! He is the love of my life and nothing will ever change that.

 

[MSugarKane]

Mar. 1, 2009 at 8:52 AM

Erase him out of your mind and concentrate on your present marriage. Seriously, he was controlling you more then you will be able to know until your child is older and hopefully never get themselves into an 'older' relationship.  If he did this once, to you, and is serving time for liking young girls this is NOT his first and second time in his life.  He is chronic and will always try to control you even if you think he isn't, he is.

Delete him from your life. You have a good life now, put all your energy, love, affection, MONEY into your children and DH now.