Get Out My Space Lady!

[cleanaturalady]

I have personal space issues.  I have my bubble and I do not enjoy it when people penetrate my bubble.  I am affectionate with family members, that is not a problem, but I do not like strangers touching me at all.  For this reason I avoid things like manicures, pedicures, massages and haircuts (yes, I cut my own hair and I do a pretty dang good job of it too.)  I don't mind being amongst people, I just don't like them invading my personal space.  An overcrowded grocery/warehouse store is not a place I relish going for obvious reasons.

I thought that in the interest of happy shopping for everyone I would write up a list of 10 things you should definitely do while shopping at Costco on a crowded Sunday afternoon.  After all Sunday afternoon is not just a day for mom to procure sustenance for her family; it is an event to be enjoyed by the entire extended family.  You shouldn't have to be bothered by that pathetic mom who is all alone just trying to get the shopping over with.

1. Flank the cart.  This ensures that you will take up the entire aisle of even the biggest warehouse store so that no one else will be able to get down that particular aisle.
2. While flanking said aisle, stop in the middle and discuss whether you really need the flat of canned olives or not.  Make sure that everyone in your family (even Gramps who can't hear you anyway) agrees before you fling it in your cart and proceed.
3. Make sure you do not miss any of the free samples they are passing out at the end of each aisle.  Stop. Leisurely. At. Each. One. 
4. Have a meaningful conversation with the lady behind the booth while you are getting your sample.  This insures that you not only clog the aisles, but the main thorough fare of the store as well.
5. If you are going at a good clip down the side aisle and someone is following you (like me;)) stop suddenly and ponder thoughtfully about what items you may have forgotten to pick up.
6. When someone is laboriously hefting a 25 pound bag of baking soda into her cart stand as closely behind her as possible so that she knows that she has taken a fraction of a second too long in her efforts for your taste.  Don't offer to help.  Just start inching closer and tap your foot if necessary.
7. As you are headed to the check out line do not hesitate in your mission to find the shortest line.  Even if it means cutting someone off just as she is placing her cart in line after the guy with 4 cantaloupes and a case of paper towels.  You are in a hurry now.  Grandma has to get home and get her nap.
8. Don't have your ID card out and do not under any circumstances help the Costco employee empty your cart onto the conveyor belt.  That is his/her job after all.
9. On the way out the door suddenly, and without thinking about the fact that someone is behind you (hello, it's me again), have a conversation with your conglomeration of family about whether you should stop at the snack bar and get a churro and a Coke for the road - after all you may have a little room left in your sweet spot in spite of scarfing all the free samples in the store.
10. When you get into the parking lot, again flank the cart with the whole family so that no one driving down the rows is able to navigate their way out of the parking lot without slowly inching behind you until you finally reach your car.

Following these rules will ensure that people like me will have the best possible shopping experience.

[sweetgirlsmom08]

Mar. 1, 2009 at 6:25 PM

LMAO!!!!!   I RARELY go to Costco for these EXACT same reasons.  Thanks so much for the chuckle! 

Just one more - when standing in line, be sure to bang your cart against the person in front of you, or better yet, stand so close to her that you are actually touching her.

[aurorabunny]

Mar. 1, 2009 at 6:31 PM

LOL.  Sounds like why I don't go to Wal-Mart anymore.  I had to ask since we have never been, Costco seriously puts your groceries on the belt for you?  Here we usually end up having to BAG our own, LOL.

[beanielips]

Mar. 1, 2009 at 6:37 PM

LMAO.. oh, that made me laugh... and remember why I didn't go to Costco today after church!

[aurorabunny]

Mar. 1, 2009 at 6:51 PM

LOL.  Sounds like why I don't go to Wal-Mart anymore.  I had to ask since we have never been, Costco seriously puts your groceries on the belt for you?  Here we usually end up having to BAG our own, LOL.

On the weekends the usually have a few extra hands on deck that are there to help people get their crap out of the cart in a timely manner.  They don't have one on every checkout line, so this is where it is important for some people to monopolize the employee by standing there and watching as he/she deals with your purchases. ;)

(Original Poster)

[Laurieanne42]

Mar. 1, 2009 at 6:57 PM

OHHH THE HORROR!!!!! This is why you get a business membership and shop before everyone else gets out of bed!!!!! No samples...BUT NO LINES EITHER!!!! Wooo Hooooo. You need to take the Defensive Shopping Cart Course that I took a while back. You plow down everything in your way to get in and out as quickly as possible. lmaoooooo. It's a hoot!!!!!! :-)

[KTMOM]

Mar. 1, 2009 at 7:11 PM hahaah, that is great. Sounds like you had quite an "adventure" today. I don't like having my "bubble" invaded either. That is why when someone invades my space in a line, I step back and "accidentally" smash their toes with the heel of my shoe. "Oopsie, I didn't realize you were RIGHT THERE!!!" I am also the jerky lady at the grocery store that has the audacity to say excuse me repeatedly until the rude people move out of the middle of the isle so I can pass. This also includes tapping my horn at the ding dongs who walk in the middle of the isle in the parking lot. Did I mention I pretty much hate shopping??!! :) LOL

[clairandamjones]

Mar. 1, 2009 at 7:43 PM

You should follow me and my two kids next time.  We're quite the troop.  They can't stand the idea of passing up a free sample, even the ones that are 835 degrees; they walk right into large moving objects like shopping carts while looking behind them at the neglected, oversized box of Froot Loops; and they can't seem to understand that when they're holding on to the side of the cart, and I have to turn it, they have to turn too. 

It's rather embarrasing.  But at least they're 3 and 6, and the three-year-old has blue eyes and blonde curls, so people tend to forgive us on the basis of cuteitude. 

[Rebeccalynn_dj]

Mar. 1, 2009 at 7:54 PM

I love going to Costco.  I must be that person you don't like. ;)

[clairandamjones View Profile Add to Friends Send a Message View Journal Posts]

Mar. 1, 2009 at 7:55 PM

 

I have four kids so I have sympathy for those patrons who have no choice but to shop with their children.  I have done it more times than I care to remember.  What drives me insane are the full on families that use a trip to Costco as a family outing.  Go to the MALL people!  Lolly-gagging around it not only allowed but encouraged at the mall.  Not at Costco, especially when the chick with issues is there.

(Original Poster)

[frankiesmom125]

Mar. 1, 2009 at 8:07 PM

I love this!!!  Especially since last night I went to Stop-N-Shop at 8pm, by myself.  The store was EMPTY!!!  I loved it!!  Forget Sunday afternoons with the hubby/kid.  Saturday night, 8pm, having the store almost ALL to myself because I'm a loser with nothing better to do is wonderful!!!  LOL!