Still stuck

[jmdivine]

I'm pretty sure you all are tired of my boo-hooing.  And I don't mean to irritate anyone, but my heart is still hurting.  I wrote Steven an email last nite.  I basically put it all out there.  I reminded him of all the bull I've put up with.  Reminded him that thru it all, I still stuck by him.  But, I also told him how abandoned I feel.  For him, it seems like something to get over.  I feel like he is replacing me already.  That losing me and Zamiya hasn't affected him in the least.  His solution is to give up for now.  And I am confused on just how I'm supposed to do that.  How do I turn off my feelings?  I'm hurt and angry over this situation.  He doesn't see how the only person who is happy over this is Andrew.  He doesn't see how his son manipulated this whole thing.  And because of this, his 2yr old daughter has lost alot.  He doesn't see how she is confused.  He says her tantrums are due to the "terrible two's".  He won't acknowledge that she is confused and hurt about Daddy not being around.  And then to top it all off, an ex boyfriend of mine is vying for me.  He has been a shoulder, but the innuendos and intention is there.  I sometimes wonder if maybe I should mention him to Steven and see if that would put a fire under his butt to salvage our relationship.  But, deep down, I doubt it. He would just "go with the flow".

I'm still unemployed.  My ex manager gave a horrendous review of me, out of spitefullness.  So I am having difficulty landing a job.

I just honestly feel lonely.  In all ways.

[divinity80921]

Mar. 2, 2009 at 11:07 AM

Aww, hun. It's hard on you, and of course it is. You are still at your mother's place? That can't be easy, either.

I'd avoid telling Steven about the ex boyfriend, especially since your heart tells you he's use that as an excuse to tell himself you are better off without him.

Has Steven come to visit Zamiya? Is he sending money to help care for her? If not, file for child support. THAT has lit a fire under many a man's butt to get things in the relationship fixed. But even if nothing persuades him that he needs to repair his life, then please remind yourself that he's chosen a path of chaos and you and Zamiya do not need that chaos in your lives. You both deserve better than that.