Evan's Monument

[allen8500]

This is definitely one of the posts I have been dreading, but need to do. Just when I think we are doing somewhat better, something happens sending us in a backward spiral. Last Tuesday Evan's headstone was put in the cemetery. I cannot begin to say how incredibly surreal and painful it is to walk through a cemetery and see your child's name on it. It was another huge slap of reality. I know that Evan has been gone for nine months, but somehow seeing it engraved on a headstone made it that much more permanent. I know he is gone and not coming back in this lifetime. The monument itself is very beautiful, but at the same time, I should NOT have to see. This is something a parent should NEVER experience!

While many people have already gone to visit Evan and see his headstone, we still have not taken Noah out there. Nate and I are trying to prepare him and hope to take him soon. In his innocent little mind, Noah believes that Evan is up in heaven with Jesus. While this is true, taking Noah to the cemetery and telling him that Evan is there also will drastically confuse him.

I thought I should mention one thing that has really gotten to me. When we first found out about the cough medicine being a major factor in Evan's death, I really tried hard not to blame myself. Obviously, this is easier said than done. When I was looking at the monument, all I kept thinking was the medicine that I gave him put him there. While the logical side of me knows that I had no way of knowing about his liver, the emotional side of me cannot control the thoughts running through my mind. Seeing his "permanent" monument just deepened the horror that much more. I just kept telling Evan how sorry I was. I just want to plaster the picture of his monument everywhere and say, this is what cough medicine did to my child!

[StifflersMom82]

Mar. 2, 2009 at 7:08 PM

I know it doesn't help, but it's not your fault. It's tragic, and I agree that no parent should ever go through this. Be strong, your son needs you to be.

[StifflersMom82]

Mar. 2, 2009 at 7:08 PM

Beautiful headstone.

[spunkymomof3]

Mar. 2, 2009 at 7:27 PM

I am sorry for your loss, the headstone is beautiful.  I really like the quote you put on the back, that was one of the first books I read to my little man.  Thinking of you!!

[luvbabies3]

Mar. 2, 2009 at 7:52 PM

Daven- Evans headstone is beautiful. The Spiderman is perfect for him . I am so sorry for your loss and want you to know we are here for you whenever you need us. You are one of the best moms I know and I know feeling guilty is an easy thing to do . We have all given our children cough medicine not knowing it could do this to them. Please do not blame yourself. We love you guys and want you to know we will do anything to help. Please feel free to call us.

[supermom216]

Mar. 2, 2009 at 9:18 PM

I am a good friend of Megan's and have heard about your sweet child so much I feel like I knew him.  The headstone is so special I think that anyone walking by it will be instantally filled with joy looking at his sweet smile.  I hope that you are all hanging in there.

[fairy74]

Mar. 2, 2009 at 10:47 PM

I am so sorry that you and your family are having to go through this.  The headstone is beautiful and I believe it will touch everyone who sees it, but you are right it is not something you should even have to see.  Hugs to you.

[mombug]

Mar. 3, 2009 at 12:37 PM

I am so sorry you feel guilty but you have to know that he would never blame you. Children are so forgiving and he iwill meet you at heavens gates with open arms. Ican't stop the tears from falling from my eyes at the moment this must be the hardest thing for you.Words could never make you feel better but I hope you feel our support htrough this time of grief. May God continue to streghthen you and I think you should find a coounselor to speak to.