I just received an email with a funny [and very true] list of breastfeeding “terms” with definitions; I had to share them here.

The Boob Lift – The unconscious lifting of your breasts to check which is fuller. It may be done at any time regardless of where you are or whom you’re talking to.

The Nursing Flip – The action of adjusting you and your baby to make ready for nursing. This means moving your T-shirt off your butt, doing the “boob lift”, putting the baby in the crook of your arm and unlatching your bra, all in about 15 seconds with no attention taken away from your previous task. The

Wet Nurse Syndrome – The unconscious urge to nurse any fussy baby you happen to see. You may be engaged in casual conversation while holding your neighbor’s baby, she fusses and you do the “nursing flip”, your neighbor looks at you shocked “oh my, she must be hungry” you mumble as you pass her infant back. A side-effect of this is the “breast milk fixes everything” philosophy. Actually pumping your milk for the stray kitten you found under the rational that of course human milk is better than cow milk for a starving kitten. You may also find yourself using breast milk for your family’s various wounds… got a sore, earache or zit? Put some breast milk on it, that’ll fix it (least that’s what they say, can’t hurt)

Tittie Wrangling – The acrobatics your toddler does while nursing including but not limited to flips, headstands, & taffy-pulls, all while surrounded by relatives who believe that baby should have been weaned months ago. The benefit of this exercise is that you can now nurse your kid while each of you lie on you backs, side-by-side.

Twiddling – What happens if everyone fails to mention that your baby caressing your other breast while nursing is NOT sweet. Never, never let your baby know that you can possibly have two breasts at the same time. Always keep the unused breast covered lest you want your little nursling to use it as her favorite toy. This becomes a habit quick, heed my warning.

The Steal – The act of removing your nipple from your already sleeping baby’s mouth so that you may roll over or sneak out of bed for some midnight internet use. Typically takes 2 or 3 tries to succeeded.

Just a Sip – When your now walking baby comes to you, lifts your shirt and grabs a drink to refuel her for 10 more minutes of play. This helping themselves is a show of independence for them and a show of breast for everyone else in the room.

Car Surfing – What you are doing when you strategically hover your breast over the baby’s car seat while daddy drives down the interstate ignoring your butt in the rearview mirror.

Ecstasy Eyes – Picture this, baby is screaming at your feet while you are talking on the phone, cooking dinner and getting a band-aid for your toddler. You finally sit and pick up the baby to nurse and she goes from screaming to rolling her eyes to the back of her head in ecstasy in only a few seconds.

Kneading – the act of damn near maiming your breast tissue while your adorable (and sharp nailed) little one nurses. This can result in your breast looking like you’ve just nursed a baby kitten.

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Comments:

heydo...
Mar. 2, 2009 at 8:09 PM

Too funny! I've got 2, and I never remember which boob was eaten from last, or by whom (the voraceous 4-week-old in the midst of a growth spurt or the just-sipping-until-your-milk-lets-down toddler). I do the boob lift constantly now!

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theya...
Mar. 2, 2009 at 8:19 PM

I loved this!!!!  the car surfing one had me ROFLMBO!!!  (only cuz I did it many times!! LOL)

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sarahrm
Mar. 5, 2009 at 12:35 AM

this is so funny!! these things are so true. i can relate to every one of them.

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