Thinking of what kind of person I am? Do I do what it takes to get the hard jobs done or do I just fall apart at the littlest thing?
Seems to me I am a pain to deal with. I never say the right thing. I always come in the back door so to speak, late and throwing stuff all over the place. I draw attention, do people feel embarrassed for me? I think about every thing. I scare people they think I am mad when I make comments. I see my running sarcasm as the way things are going. I don't see it as negative. It is just running commentary.
Vewing my outlook seems to make me feel dred and doom. Makes me feel all bad about who I am. It makes me see what is more wrong and not what is good.I see bad, I see stupid, I feel bad and stupid. Even though I can't really reason this out. I know that I am not all stupid. I realize that I am not the sharpest tool however I am not such a dim whit.
I know I am a good mother, my kids know right from wrong. They are good people and use their conscience when making decisions. I am good with people, patients like me. When I work at the health club I am a serious lifeguard and I never let anyone drown. (duh?). I run to the scene of an accident, I am not fearful that I can not help you. I try to do the right thing.
I am introspective and annoyed that I am not a happy go lucky person. I don't really want to be known as scary or mean. Yet I don't want to be known as happy and silly.