How I feel- the downside of up

[lotsofchange]

I feel judged.  I feel attacked.  I feel misunderstood.  I feel like I'm not good enough, that I don't do enough or do it the right way.

I feel like I shouldn't be entitled to my feelings, let alone speak up & share them once in awhile. 

I feel like I wish I would finally say to hell with it all and just pack a bag and leave.  BUT, there are 2 children in the kitchen and I do love them, appreciate them, & cherish them emensely!

Why?  When?  How do I make things better? 

All this makes me so mad, sad, frustrated, disgusted, wanting to fight & defend my own feelings.  It makes me feel like crap and defeated.  I want to move forward but I am so alone.  Really!  I am alone in this marriage, in this house, in this town, in this life.  I feel empty & unimportant. 

I don't like feeling this way.  I don't like this side of up.  How does a person navigate the ups and downs of life, marriage, parenting, maintaining some semblance of self?

Any one?????

Tags: judged, misunderstood, children, marriage, self

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[my4pinkroses]

Mar. 4, 2009 at 8:27 AM

[pinkangelpa]

Mar. 4, 2009 at 8:34 AM

you learn as you go along what works. Decide what it is you can live with and what you can't. Eventually you will come to the conclusion that a line has to be drawn somewhere, and don't let anyone cross it. You are an important, loving person who only deserves the best, Mary. Just remember that.

Big hugs sister, Deb(that's so cool, a SweetPea with the hang loose sign!)

[TINKFAIRYGIRL]

Mar. 4, 2009 at 11:41 AM

Oh, Sweetie.  I just did that very thing.  Well, almost.  HE left, and the kids and I are staying.  Right now, all I can say is "I know".  No matter how hard WE try to fix things, sometimes God and the Unviverse have other plans for us. 

[Terri441]

Mar. 6, 2009 at 12:46 AM

Have you ever read "the five love languages" by gary chapman. I would strongly encourage you to read it with a really open mind before you do any other thing. It made a world of difference for me.
Sorry you're having a rough go. Lots of love to you

[lotsofchange]

Mar. 6, 2009 at 10:35 AM

Thank you for your love & support. 

My husband & I talked about this whole up & down thing again yesterday.  It is good again for now.  I think a large part of the problem is that we are still adjusting to changes & trying to make some new changes around here but we are having a problem working together or even having or taking the time to make some decisions or just plain get the work done. 

I am sure this is not a new situation & tons of other people face the same problems as us.  We have just isolated ourselves so much & really don't have others to talk with or even ask for help & I think that gets to us once & awhile.  2 small children, my father & his "stuff" and .............well- everyone has something, right!

I do have the love languages book & did start it before.  I think you are right, I should "revisit" it. 

Things are looking up.  I guess for me, I will just not tolerate when he says stuff to me that really pisses me off or is offensive (although, I suppose sometimes maybe I do over react).   But on the flip side, I just think our kids are too small & really most of the "stuff" is not worth throwing away what we've got together or what we'd like to have done the road.

Thanks again~
Smiles

(Original Poster)