A bully in an unexpected package

[roolynn]

I'm going to give a little background first, cause it will help you understand better.

My oldest son is special needs.  He was diagnosed with autism right before his second birthday.  He didn't talk until he was almost 4.  We were very lucky to get him into an early intervention program that has helped immeasurably with his development.  Today, he is a 6th grader, mainstreamed in most of his classes and doing really well.  We fully expect him to graduate from high school on time and to do very well in life.

His homeroom is the self-contained special needs class in his school.  We did this for a couple of reasons, but the main one was that sometimes he gets overwhelmed so we needed him to have a safe haven to go back to if he needed it.  He also attends math class in there because his reading comprehension is a bit below his grade level (by .2 points) but this affects his ability to do word problems, something that is done very heavily in the 6th grade. 

In this classroom is a little boy whom I'll call The Bully.  Now, The Bully is not at all what you would expect.  He has health problems, not mental ones, but his health problems have caused him to be a bit behind in his socialization and in some of his academic skills.  The Bully is a dwarf (as close as I can come to describing him) who has a mouth on him like a sailor, without the bad words.  He is the definition of precocious.

In the classroom, The Bully is very sweet and nice to all of the children, cause he knows that the teacher would never stand for him bullying anyone in the class.  At lunch, however, it is a different story.

There are 7 adults in the cafeteria at any given time during lunch.  Unfortunately, they never walk around the cafeteria to hear what is being said.  The Bully is horrible to all of the children at his table.  All of the children at this table are special needs in the same class with my DS and The Bully..  I sat in with them one time and I had to get onto The Bully about his mouth.

Well, it has gotten to the point that my DS is not wanting to go to school with The Bully anymore.  I didn't realize that it had gotten that bad because my DS doesn't really want to talk about school when he comes home.  School is for school and home is for home, in his mind.

It all came to a head last night when we went to see the production of "Annie Jr." at the school last night.  The Bully was in the production and my DS made it clear that he didn't want to see The Bully in the production.  I went and talked to DS's teachers today to make sure that they were aware of the problem and I'll be sending in a note on Monday to make sure that there is a paper trail for us to follow if this continues.

In my assessment (and that of one of the aides) The Bully's parents are at fault.  When my DS couldn't talk, he had baby signs that we had taught him.  He could sign "please" and "thank you" before he could say them.  I'm a stickler for good manners and for behaving in a socially appropriate way.  I want to make sure that they have all the tools possible to make it easier for them to get along in the world.  Both of my children are unfailingly polite, cause they know they'll get it when we get home if they aren't.

But The Bully's parents felt so bad about his health issues that they allowed him to get away with anything.  Let me just say now that it hasn't helped their son in the slightest.  He doesn't follow directions well, isn't respectful (which really burns my butt) and is a bully.

There is no reason in the world for a child to be impolite or a bully.  Adults know better than that and they should teach their children accordingly. 

Because I'm quick to remind a child, even if they aren't mine, that they need to say please and thank you.  At the very least.  And all of the kids in my children's classes know to call me "ma'am" or Mrs. E, because that's what I insist upon.  I am an adult and you will treat me with the respect that my age requires.  Don't respect me, that's fine.  I may have done nothing to earn your respect, but you should respect your elders.

And just because your child is special needs does NOT mean that you should allow them to get away with anything in the world.  There is indulging your child and then there is turning your child into Veruca Salt.

I'll keep y'all posted on the bullying thing....hopefully it will get better soon!

[coffeefirst]

Mar. 6, 2009 at 8:28 AM

Bullys make life so much more difficult for the rest of us.

[dellis1066]

Mar. 6, 2009 at 8:55 AM

Welcome to my world.  Teaching is always a pain in the butt when the parents are dead beats.  Makes teaching very difficult.  Bullying is especially difficult to deal with at recess.  We teachers handle it, but the extra help that does not follow through or know how to appropriately handle it is very difficult.  At one of my schools, when this type of problem arrises, we take turns being with the kids during recess and lunch in order to make certain the bullying stops.  It is very effective to have a teacher presence, the bullying just seems to completely stop.

[singedwingangel]

Mar. 6, 2009 at 9:28 AM

My oldest son dropped out of school with my permission due to major bullying. Much of it coming in the form of the principal of the high school. I also have taught my children manners and to respect their elders. My son did his best and EVERY teacher or counselor talked about how polite and kind he was, UNTIL he got under this principal. You stick up for your son mommy and Ihope that your school system works way better then ours did and still does..

[ShutterbugMama]

Mar. 6, 2009 at 9:43 AM

Think the bully wants a dancing gig at my next birthday party?

[ShutterbugMama]

Mar. 6, 2009 at 9:44 AM

(Refer to him as Chewy when you speak about him to the teachers..then just casualy apologize for forgetting his name..).

 

[spababy120]

Mar. 6, 2009 at 6:54 PM

"But The Bully's parents felt so bad about his health issues that they allowed him to get away with anything.  Let me just say now that it hasn't helped their son in the slightest.  He doesn't follow directions well, isn't respectful (which really burns my butt) and is a bully."

 

Sadly, you're spot on.  Too bad the parents can't be reeled in and held acocuntable.  How gross that he's been able to intimidate his classmates.  Good for you!

[Liyoness]

Mar. 8, 2009 at 4:26 AM

So basically, you're bullying "the bully"??

Does it make you feel good to bully an 11 year old child?

[Liyoness]

Mar. 8, 2009 at 4:30 AM

You know, maybe some parents just don't expect their children to kiss ass to people like you??

I certainly hope that I can teach my children that people who want respect need to EARN it, and age has absolutely nothing to do with it.

I see nothing in this entry that suggets that this child is in any way a bully.. Or that the parents are at "fault" for anything..

Sounds like you're the one with the problems, not this child.

How can you POSSIBLY expect this child to respect you when you so clearly stare down your nose at him?? If you want respect, GIVE IT!!!

It's because of people like you that I won't be sending my kids to public school. The teachers are worse than the students!

[roolynn]

Mar. 8, 2009 at 11:20 AM

Wow, Liyoness, um I'm speechless.  My son has gone to school with this child for the last three years and he has been spoken to before about his bullying behavior.  I don't look down my nose at this child, but when a child tells an adult that her getting onto her child is "Child Abuse" then he has some serious "filter" problems.

And I don't stare down my nose at him.  You have no idea how I have treated this child. But when my child decides that he doesn't want to go to class anymore because of this child, you can be damn sure that I'm going to do something about it.  If you don't like how I handle it, then make sure that your child doesn't bully mine.  Seems to me that would be an easy thing to do.

(Original Poster)

[dellis1066]

Mar. 8, 2009 at 1:41 PM

Liyoness, I am a teacher at a private school and I can assure you that what roolynn describes is bullying and would not be allowed in a private school.  Oh yes, and we teachers do demand respect from our students.  We expect it immediately, we don't expect to have to 'earn' it.  We have already 'earned' it by becoming a teacher with our education.  We then 'maintain' our respect by being good and compationate teachers and able to teacher our students the subject material.  I must add, the parents of our students are often more difficult to deal with than the kids themselves.