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I am depressed! I wish I was dead! ! ! !
- Mar 10, 2009 at 11:36 PM
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- Comments (8) Total Views (221) Everyone can see this journal post.
I know what a stupid wish. . .but with the stress of CPS and my family, my children, and the man I married (oh yeah MY HUSBAND) today is just an off day! I am stressed, upset, aggravated, and just over whelmed! I wonder why do I try . . .God strike me with a lightning rod! I want out of this messed up word. . . I hate (not saying I am the only one) pain. . .I hate seeing people in pain and me feeling pain! ok this question is to all you god loving people out there Where is GOD? Why dose he let us suffer? God. . .Ok! What ever!
Today we found out that CPS is still investigating. . .p. . . .pleeeassse why so long? What ever!
Hubby makes me mad, he get upset with CPS and then takes his anger on us! He is such a PAIN! Call them and take it out on them not us. . .it's not our fault they could careless. . .it's not our fault that it the system's fault they are screwed up!
Ok so my daughter (13yr old) walks in. . .after school, I say hey you need to redye your hair, She said yeah take me to get my hair done! This conversation was between me and her. . . then nosey their(hubby) puts in and said call your dad, I got upset and said well when Stephanie wants something have her ask her mother! my daughter get glossy eyed and embarrassed. . .her friends where with her, they had walked her home and they hear him say this and they walked out the door trying to be quite,After saying all that I see Stephanie looking at me, like saying what did I do why am I in this ? How upsetting. . .when the kids all leave the house I asked for a divorce. . .I tell him I will get a job then leave, I don't think it's fair for us to hurt the children and when have no fault in anything. . .today was just an off day! I am depressed now and wish I was dead!
If I where to die who would watch and love my children? HELLO NO ONE! ON ONE would ever or could ever love them the way I do, so yeah what a stupid wish! This is just how feel not what I really want! Just wanted to vent and get it out. . .maybe not in a good way but oh well go jump in a lake if you don't like what your reading! I am tired of trying to be little miss nice one! For what? To get hurt oh well that is over!
Comments:
You know you have a lot to live for.... A LOT.
you are well loved..... and this "God" that you speak of.... He doesn't give you anymore than what you can handle.
Please look at the good things you have in your life rather than the bad things that may happen. I am sorry you are feeling down and questioning God. You are strong. I know you are. Please keep your head up.
I know how you feel Ivette, its ruff. You and your hubby are both under a lot of stress. CPS is going to take for ever they always do you should expect that and be patient. And God is there with you watching and if he puts us though though times is because he is trying to tell us something. You know how depressed I was last week and still am. I was in your shoes not so long ago I left my BF cause I couldn't take it no more now I'm trying to go back with him and have a better relationship. We have no choice we can't give up our children are counting on us to get up and look after them. Life is beautiful you just have to know where to look.
hey! sorry your so upset...you know I'm around if you need me, just give me a call...you still have the cell number right?
Michelle
hey girl i guess i'm a lil too late in reading this post. just wanted to let you know i have had those feelings in the past before. Just like you i haven't done it cuz i know the only 1's i'd hurt would be my kids. All i can say to you girl is be strong. you kids need a strong healthy mom.
I know how you feel were involved with cps as well. Not many ppl know about it. Anyways...... Iam sorry I wouldve asked for a divorce as well.
I dont know you but Jesus does and he loves you and he is always there no matter what your going through. Life is never perfect but without the Lord Jesus in my own life,those down days would be alot worse.
GOD"JESUS" IS GOOD ALL THE TIME!!!!
Just read ur blog. hope everything is getting better for u and ur family.(=
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Aww hun I am really sorry you are going through this. I really hate to hear you say these things but its okay hun you vent all you want. I am here for you no matter what and even though some people won't admit sometimes we say these things out of anger. I hope you get to feeling better, I know CPS can be a pain in the ass I don't understand why they won't hurry up and take action on your sis in law. That situation is wrong on so many levels. I will always be here for you and don't hesitate to ask for someone to listen to you because you know that I think of you as my bestest friend. So big (((HUGS))) and I hope you feel better soon. K Love ya!
- grace1979
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