just another day... Sigh

[MearaFayak]

So I've had an ok day.. got sad half way threw it.  Was playing a music cd for Aislyn and there was a line that talked about all the things mommy and me do, and mommy sings about how this time goes so fast, and all my brain did was go straight to Maelie, and how fast she went and how short she was here.  And I rememberd not wanting to call my mom b/c she would over react. but that one time she proabbly would have been right... and then I remembered holding my little girl in the back seat of the van and giving her CPR, as best as I could, and I just saw in my head her little half open, fixed eyes, dark as night, and lifeless and I just started to cry.... I called my fioncee and he told me about how he cryed at his apt yesterday,and sometimes I wish I could whine at him b/c he never crys with me... I think he is trying to be strong for me.. but It would be nice if he cryed with me once and a while again... Thats all I really wanted to say... have a good night.