I can't take anymore.....

[dncnmom]

Kenny went home from the hospital yesterday. He called me on my way home from work to tell me this. I didn't believe him at first. Can he blame me after all the nonsense he's put me thru this week? I don't know when he's kidding or telling the truth anymore. For some reason, he got really mad at me for questioning him. Things escalated from there, and I just got really really tired of his poor pitiful me attitude. Yes, he's going thru kidney cancer, the treatments, the feeling like shit, etc., but enough is enough. He dared to tell me that I sounded like I thought he was the worst thing that ever happened to me, just for pointing out the "jokes" he's pulled on me and told him he was crying "wolf"! ! After all I've been thru with him...being there for him when he calls, trying to be positive and upbeat with him, regardless of the fact the he wouldn't let me come visit him in the hospital at all. Nor would he let me speak with his mother, who came down to be with him and is a nurse. I needed the truth because I didn't know if what he was telling me WAS the truth. Nor has he ever let me come to his home. I understand being private, but this is taking it way too far. Don't tell me you love me more than you've ever loved anyone and that I'm "IT", then not let me in your life at all. I've never felt so much of an outsider, like I'm his dirty little secret. I know he's not married or involved, so why is he keeping me at arms length. HE'S the one who started the talk of living together and marriage, and getting our own place. He seems to want a relationship at HIS convenience...whenever HE wants to see me, whenever HE wants to call me, and always at MY house. I have been so damn patient with him, going along with whatever he wants whenever he wants. Talk about a one sided relationship!

So last night it got worse...I finally told him that he didn't have any right to say the things he did to me...that I was ALWAYS there for him, or not, as the case may be. He got ticked off, thinking I was on his case again about going to his place, when I really meant just being part of his life, good or bad. I told him that when he decided if he really wanted me to be a part of his life, to call me. Then I just said bye, and hung up. I haven't heard from him since.

And as mad as I am at him, I'm just as upset. I really love him, I was looking forward to a life with him. He swears he would do anything for me, but that's not how it looks to me right now. So I honestly don't know if we are still together or not at this point. All I can do is wait and see if he calls...he has an appointment with his kidney doctor today. All I know is my nerves can't take anymore of this up and down.

[dollydimples419]

Mar. 14, 2009 at 1:38 AM

I am sorry you are having a rough time right now. I would try and just give him some time and see what happens.. You certainly deserve to be happy, and he needs to decide to either let you in his life, his whole life or not.. He can't have it both ways.. I know how much he means to you, and I hope things work out.. Try and keep busy and do somethings just for you right now, and if its meant to be, it will work out.. You have been very loving and supportive of him, and its up to him now to see if he wants the same things.. I am here if you ever want to talk...

[GmaPam7257]

Mar. 14, 2009 at 12:07 PM

OK, yeah I'll have to go ahead and agree with you on "taking the privacy" thing a little to far. I understand some people especially men like their privacy, but it does go to far at times. In all actuality you guys are 4 months into this "so called" relationship he should be letting you "in" a little more then he has been. I'm going to be honest with you, there were a few times that I wondered if he REALLY had these "health" issues. You have been there for him, supporting him and keeping upbeat through all of this. I think you did the right thing, by telling him how you feel, the ball is now in his court, let him play it or let it set there...I know it's heart breaking to have to do things like this but how long does he exspect you to be there for him "ONLY" when he wants you ther? Good luck either way as I've said before you need to be happy and have somebody who is there for you 100 %...