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Grandparenting: right or privilege? journal contest entry
- Mar 17, 2009 at 11:54 AM
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- Comments (1) Total Views (248) Everyone can see this journal post.
The answer should be easy, Because once you raise your children and they haver their own you are a Grandparent. That part is simple. Unfortunately it is not that easy, Because people make bad choices and it becomes your job as a parent to protect your children. Sometimes that includes family members.
This is not a decision to be taken lightly, however, because I feel EVERY child deserves loving Grandparents in their lives. I admit I have a total bias on this topic because in my situation my Grandparents played a HUGE role in my life, in fact they still do. I want nothing less for my Children. But life had other plans for us.
My Mother, a GREAT woman, who would have been a wonderful Grandmother. She passed away in 2001 so she never got to really be a Grandmother. My kids will never bake cookies with her, or get new clothes or toys from her, they don't get to go to Grandmas and spend the night. These things I did with my Grandparents. Heck I even got to know my GREAT Grandparents. My kids are fortunate to have that chance as well. Is it fair that they lost Grandma? NO, but I cannot change it, but her right was taken away. Her life cut short. This naturally influences my bias as well. Again life had other plans for us. One of the hardest choices I ever had to make.
I didn't set out to cut my Father out of my life, I feel in most ways HE made that choice. It stared with a fight we had, it still bothers me. He attacked me verbally in my own home. He refused to leave my house when I asked him to. He even physically threatened me. Hurtful things were said on all sides, yet he will not own up to any of it. He blames my Step Mom (now his EX) and he blames my Husband.
After some time I tried to make amends. In all honesty though that only made things worse. One would think I may have gotten the point when I knew he drank a lot. and when I found his "water pipe" when I was 17. Everyone said to me "hes your father you only have one" so I made up with him or rather, I tried to. Found out he was dating a gal who was into Coke and not the type in a can. He ditched her, but I still wonder if he was doing coke too. I know he has in the past.
My Father smoked weed with my kids still in the house, they were awake. It was another room but still this is something that is a HUGE NO NO! He drinks all the time, not always DRUNK but has beer in hand around noon.
The funny thing is is that all that stuff made me take the privilege away but what really one of the biggest was that my Father is a man who will be late to his own funeral. I remembered crying my eyes out because he was late to pick me up, then he would call and say he was not coming. One day my DD was supposed to go on a walk with him and he didn't show, she cried her eyes out.
A parent must consider other factors as well, my father is not a bad person he just makes poor choices, and is terribly forgetful. But what of Grandparents who are just bad people? What if Granny molested you? Are you even going to consider her as a babysitter? If your father is the best dad in the world to you, but beat your mother, do you want your baby around him?
We cannot protect them from everything, and some pain in needed to grow. But I can keep my kids a little more innocent, they wont think beer is a daily drink. I can keep them free of extra broken promises, they will still have them, but I can cut out some repeated ones.
In America we have many rights that can be taken away in the right circumstances, voting, guns, even your freedom. So I guess as a Grandparent you have the responsibility to make sure your right is not a privilege that is taken away. But even then there are no guarantees, life just might have other plans.
This is not a decision to be taken lightly, however, because I feel EVERY child deserves loving Grandparents in their lives. I admit I have a total bias on this topic because in my situation my Grandparents played a HUGE role in my life, in fact they still do. I want nothing less for my Children. But life had other plans for us.
My Mother, a GREAT woman, who would have been a wonderful Grandmother. She passed away in 2001 so she never got to really be a Grandmother. My kids will never bake cookies with her, or get new clothes or toys from her, they don't get to go to Grandmas and spend the night. These things I did with my Grandparents. Heck I even got to know my GREAT Grandparents. My kids are fortunate to have that chance as well. Is it fair that they lost Grandma? NO, but I cannot change it, but her right was taken away. Her life cut short. This naturally influences my bias as well. Again life had other plans for us. One of the hardest choices I ever had to make.
I didn't set out to cut my Father out of my life, I feel in most ways HE made that choice. It stared with a fight we had, it still bothers me. He attacked me verbally in my own home. He refused to leave my house when I asked him to. He even physically threatened me. Hurtful things were said on all sides, yet he will not own up to any of it. He blames my Step Mom (now his EX) and he blames my Husband.
After some time I tried to make amends. In all honesty though that only made things worse. One would think I may have gotten the point when I knew he drank a lot. and when I found his "water pipe" when I was 17. Everyone said to me "hes your father you only have one" so I made up with him or rather, I tried to. Found out he was dating a gal who was into Coke and not the type in a can. He ditched her, but I still wonder if he was doing coke too. I know he has in the past.
My Father smoked weed with my kids still in the house, they were awake. It was another room but still this is something that is a HUGE NO NO! He drinks all the time, not always DRUNK but has beer in hand around noon.
The funny thing is is that all that stuff made me take the privilege away but what really one of the biggest was that my Father is a man who will be late to his own funeral. I remembered crying my eyes out because he was late to pick me up, then he would call and say he was not coming. One day my DD was supposed to go on a walk with him and he didn't show, she cried her eyes out.
A parent must consider other factors as well, my father is not a bad person he just makes poor choices, and is terribly forgetful. But what of Grandparents who are just bad people? What if Granny molested you? Are you even going to consider her as a babysitter? If your father is the best dad in the world to you, but beat your mother, do you want your baby around him?
We cannot protect them from everything, and some pain in needed to grow. But I can keep my kids a little more innocent, they wont think beer is a daily drink. I can keep them free of extra broken promises, they will still have them, but I can cut out some repeated ones.
In America we have many rights that can be taken away in the right circumstances, voting, guns, even your freedom. So I guess as a Grandparent you have the responsibility to make sure your right is not a privilege that is taken away. But even then there are no guarantees, life just might have other plans.
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I agree with you whole heartedly. I lost my dad a little over a year ago, and I know that my daughter misses him (she is the only one that could really remember him.) But my grandma I have had to stop connection with because of how she treats my husband. I wish my dad was able to be a grandparent liked he loved, and yet my grandma abuses the right to be a grandparent by always talking bad about the kids' dad, so we have had to stop talking to her and stop hanging out with her... good luck on your desicions. I pray that they come easier on you.
- mammacjjc85
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