walking thru my path of life

[Buggirl]

Things are so crazy in my world, and i feel like 100 things hit me at once and knocked me on my butt. I struggle to get up and breath, but they keep pressing in, threatening to suffocate me. As i curl into a little ball a song starts playing in my head, very softly... hold on baby you're losing it, the waters high you're jumping into it and letting go, and no one knows... i fight it, I'm not letting go... i need to fight it. I feel the water rising over my head, i gasp for my last breath of air... sweet air... then a light appears. it so bright almost like the sun, there's a person walking on it. Floating towards me on  this light. All i see is the dark shadow of the person, because the light is so bright, My eyes adjust while my lungs scream for more air. Here I'm drowning and not caring, letting go. A hand reaches down to me, i see it held out for me to grab, as i consider death versus savior, my hands react without permission. I reach up and take the hand offered, and swiftly I'm out of the water, on standing on a beach with that person still in the light. The hand is solid and warm in my own, i breath slowly as my lungs beg for more air. The person drops my hand, and starts to float back toward the light. No i scream, don't leave me, i cant make it on my own. They stop and a warm breeze over takes me blowing my hair and clothes dry. Then a whisper caresses me like a lovers hand. You're never alone. I'm here. I reach out for the person in the light but they're gone, and I'm left standing on the beach looking toward a sunset. Golds and purples and pinks pop over the horizon like fireworks have gone off. I close my eyes and the fear and doubt is gone. The wind hits me again and words whisper on it and wind around me like an unconditional love. You know what to do, its there in your heart, open your eyes and feel it. Stop trying to plan your life out and live it. Be happy and love with everything you got, I'll lead you where you need to be, stop fighting me. I open my eyes and the sun is gone, no purples no pinks and golds. The sky is the dark blue of dusk. My favorite time of all, twilight, just before the stars come out and darkness hits, When you feel like anything is possible, like that place before sleep and awake, when the dream is still burning in your heart and your heads trying so hard to hold it there so its not gone forever. I stand in the warm breeze looking out across the water towards the horizon. The mountains stand tall like guards to a king. There's soft white clouds that look pale grey in the dusk sky. My heart aches to chase them. So i run. No fear, no thought. i run hard towards the nothing, yet it feels like I'm running towards everything. My hair flows in the wind and my feet pound out a beat into the earth. I feel a new song flowing in my veins from the sound of my heart. A song of newness and love, a song of beginning. I race towards it until my body gives out. It falls to the ground while my spirit is torn from it. I fly into the night... up towards the sky. Wings appear silver and delicate. Up higher and higher until i look down and can barely make out the shape of my body amid the trees. The moonlight spills over the body of my spirit and baths me in soft white glow. I look up towards the skies and see the clouds above trying to clothe the moon, like a blanket. My heart beats warm with love and admiration. I fly back down towards the earth to find my body leaned against a tree. I look at myself as if I'm looking in a mirror, yet the image i see before me isn't what i used to see in the mirror everyday. I see now, strength and power. Determination and beauty. The wind blows hard and i push the spirit back into my body. I wake up as if i woke from a long dream. I feel refreshed inside, while my head trys to process if it all was real. I close my eyes and listen. Just then a sweet smell floats though the air. I tilt my face towards the sky and just feel as the rain begins to sprinkle on my face. As God bathes the earth with refreshing water, i feel like my soul is being bathed to. True peace enters my heart and understanding for things i shouldn't know. My heart beats strong with faith in many things. Faith in God, faith in me, faith that things will turn out right and i need to let go of the controls and let my life run its own course. Faith that what my future is meant to hold i don't know, but i know its what Ive always dreamed up. Knowledge that i need to correct my mistakes so i can partake of the sweet wine of life. I rise up from the ground and spread my arms out wide. The rain falls harder and runs down my body as my soul refreshes in it. I open my eyes and smile. The rain has become a thick vale against the night. So thick it seems as if its hiding whats ahead. Then i wonder if that's what faith is like. Knowing you cant see whats out there, whats ahead but believing if you take a step forward someones there to catch you if you fall.  True power comes from faith, enough to move mountains if is needed. Then as the rain slows to a sprinkle i see the beautiful colors pop from the flowers and another sense of peace rushes over me. Everything on the world has a place and i think its time i follow my heart to mine.