I Love You Anyway!

[Katie911]

You came into my life over 7 years ago.  You put me through 33 hours of labor and then a C-section.  But I loved you instantly.  I forgot the pain and labor.  I only saw my baby boy.  So perfect and so precious.  A gift from God. 

You walked early at 7 months and never stopped moving.  You were into everything.  You destroyed many things.  Some priceless.  But I love you anyway.

At a year and a half, you would not talk.  You would not let me touch you.  You would not smile.  I love you anyway.

When at 2 you were diagnosed with autism, my heart broke.  My life fell apart.  I blamed myself for this mysterious disorder that controlled your life.  And mine.  But I loved you anyway.

We have been to hell and back together my son.  We have fought many battles.  We have had lots and lots of tears.  And a few laughs.  Autism had control of our lives.  It dictated what we did and who we saw.  I used to question who would be where, and if I wanted them to see you this way.  I still loved you.

But you taught me, you educated me.  I learned from you.  Screw em.  Who cares what anyone thinks.  You deserve to go swimming at the public pool.  You deserve to be able to play at the McDonalds playplace.  You deserve to go to the movies.  Isolating you was not going to help anyone.  You taught me to be pro-active.  You taught me to not be ashamed.  And I love you for that!

I am not ashamed of you my son!  I love you!  All of you! I love your smile, your laughter, your goofy quirks.  I love you!  I will shout it to the world!

Your autism has not left us.  We have learned to cope.  We have learned together.  From educating myself online and through books and you through school.  We have made it over many hurdles.  We have defeated many foes.  You are the best teacher I have ever had.  And your only 7.  I wish I could look at the world through your eyes.  You don't see colors of people.  You see their inner beauty.  You are what we all should be.  You do not judge. You do not stereotype. 

I have see you cry when the kids laugh at you.  I dry your tears and tell you it's okay.  And I will always dry your tears until the day I die.  And then i will be an angel and will come to you when you need me.  I will never leave you. 

You see you are my son.  And I love you.  I love you anyway.  I will always love you.  No matter what.  Because you are my rock.  You are my teacher.  And you are my boy.

[sati769leigh]

Mar. 21, 2009 at 10:20 PM

that was beautiful. my son is PDD NOS and in the autism spectrum. I understand.......

[motherofanaries]

Mar. 21, 2009 at 10:24 PM

You've got me crying over here!

[simplysarah77]

Mar. 21, 2009 at 10:25 PM

awww, that was great!

[Mom2PunkRockers]

Mar. 21, 2009 at 10:30 PM

I love my son the same way. Almost 13 yrs of trials and tribluation , but hes the most amazing person I know. Autism is something we cant avoid, but when you meet it head on , its worth the fight.

[aurorabunny]

Mar. 22, 2009 at 11:02 AM

Awww that made me cry!!

That was beautiful.

[jsbenkert]

Mar. 22, 2009 at 4:11 PM

Very beautiful.  You know the stress, the worry, and the fiercest of love that I sometimes think only the parents of children like ours can ever know.

[0Jenna0]

Mar. 22, 2009 at 9:07 PM

That was so beautiful! Your son is just as lucky to have you as you are to have him.

[Mommy2Bears]

Mar. 22, 2009 at 10:23 PM

Although I know the passion behind the f-you. I wish you had left it out so more people could read your wonderful post. Thank you for putting into words what some of us feel everyday.

[bugsandpirates]

Mar. 22, 2009 at 11:17 PM

Great message!

[theyareallmine]

Mar. 22, 2009 at 11:21 PM

So very beautiful......