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the hardest part
- Mar 22, 2009 at 4:36 PM
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- Comments (1) Total Views (71) Everyone can see this journal post.
i've always wondered...what is the hardest part of the deployment? is it the first day after he leaves...the first night of being alone in my bed...the first time my son was surprised he found something between his legs while i was changing him....when i need his father for that kind of moment to teach him about being a man.
the hardest part might be getting to see him before his r&r...the anxiety of seeing him after so many months...the sadness of knowing that it will only last for 18 days and then it's back to being alone again...or the fear of going to sleep cuz we want to spend every minute of the day together.
or the last day of r&r...the drive to the airport...watching him playing with his son before he has to go through the customs...the uncertainty of my ability to go back to live my somewhat, normal life. after r&r, i feel like my heart was ripped apart from my body...all i wanted to do was to hold on to my son for as long as we can keep our eyes open...after tearful goodbye.
or is it the last stretch before he comes home...the last couple of months before he's everywhere in this house...the difficulties of trying to get to know, to live with, and to love each other the same way we used to before he left. is the patience getting lower and lower as each day passes? will this ever be done, or will we be able to make it through almost 14 months of being apart?
i'm right here...where the last stretch is. some days my answer is no, i've had enough of this and i can't do it anymore...and most days, i'm going strong...stronger than any other time in my life...when i had to pull through something so hard.
today...we have less than 2 months and we will finish this strong...together. we might not agree on everything or every decision we have to make, but i know i've never stopped being in love with him...never could help getting butterflies in my stomach just thinking about seeing him for the first time ...never...ever stopped falling in love with him over again and again.
the hardest part might be getting to see him before his r&r...the anxiety of seeing him after so many months...the sadness of knowing that it will only last for 18 days and then it's back to being alone again...or the fear of going to sleep cuz we want to spend every minute of the day together.
or the last day of r&r...the drive to the airport...watching him playing with his son before he has to go through the customs...the uncertainty of my ability to go back to live my somewhat, normal life. after r&r, i feel like my heart was ripped apart from my body...all i wanted to do was to hold on to my son for as long as we can keep our eyes open...after tearful goodbye.
or is it the last stretch before he comes home...the last couple of months before he's everywhere in this house...the difficulties of trying to get to know, to live with, and to love each other the same way we used to before he left. is the patience getting lower and lower as each day passes? will this ever be done, or will we be able to make it through almost 14 months of being apart?
i'm right here...where the last stretch is. some days my answer is no, i've had enough of this and i can't do it anymore...and most days, i'm going strong...stronger than any other time in my life...when i had to pull through something so hard.
today...we have less than 2 months and we will finish this strong...together. we might not agree on everything or every decision we have to make, but i know i've never stopped being in love with him...never could help getting butterflies in my stomach just thinking about seeing him for the first time ...never...ever stopped falling in love with him over again and again.
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Saw your journal and wanted to say thank you. I hope the next 2 months fly by and he gets home safe.
- Mudfishzgirl
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