Friend Trouble

[MamaMulder]

I don't even know where to start...

After two days of hanging out with our friends. Due to the men working on our car for these two days. I think I am ready to cut all ties with them. My son looks like he has been brutally beaten. His teacher even took him to the bathroom alone, my guess is to question him about his bruises.

Our "friends" son is 2 years older then Dominic. He is unruly. Completely! Constantly hitting, kicking, dragging, spitting, all together just treating Dominic like complete shit. When I ask him to stop, he doesn't listen, and although his mom is sitting right there, she says nothing. Oh, except for when her son was trying to drag Dominic around by the neck of his shirt, after me asking him to stop several times, Dominic went and sat on the steps to get away from him. Finally Lacey(Seth's aka naughty boys mom, aka my "friend") spoke up. She actually hollered at Dominic to get off the steps telling him that they don't play on the steps. I was so pissed, yet I sat quietly, because I am a wiener and cant stand up to anyone!

Then I go outside where the boys were playing to check on them. I was listening around the corner of the garage and Seth was telling Dom to "smoke" sticks!! WTF! Why are they playing smoking?! I was so upset, and popped around the corner explaining how bad smoking is, and that they shouldn't want to do something so harmful to themselves, so why play it, blah blah blah.

Bob, Lacey's husband and Matt have been friends for a long time. Bob is our mechanic, anything that happens to our cars he will fix them. Mostly for free. I have been "friends" with Lacey for about 3 years now. I don't like her really. To be honest. I put up with her for Matt and for a cheap car fixin'. I know it sounds bad. I just hate her attitude. She is constantly hollering shut up to Seth. Spanking him, even breaking blood vessels in her hands doing so. Then when we left the other night Matt says "Oh, you didn't hear what Lacey did to Seth did you" I hadn't so he explained that she had taken their truck to pick him up from school. She had told him to sit down and buckle up, so when he didn't do so she sped up and slammed on the breaks. His head flew into the windshield and spider-webbed it!! All to teach him to buckle up! WTF! WTF! WTF! When Matt told me this not only did I want to go back there and choke her, but I also would like to have called CPS. That is just fucking abuse in my opinion. After hearing this I cant believe that we have been hanging with these people. These are not our type of people!! These are not good people!! UGH!

Oh, sorry to ramble, but eating dinner there the other night. Dominic was eating his asparagus with his hands. Her son Seth kept "telling on him" to Lacey for this. Over and over "Mom Dominic is eating with his hands again" I had asked Dominic to use his fork, but with asparagus, I guess I didn't see it as such a horrible thing. Her on the other hand, right in front of me, took his plate away! Set it on the counter and walked away. I still being a wiener said nothing as my son sat there asking for his food back, crying because he was hungry. I got his plate back for him, and whispered in his ear to please use his fork and that we would talk about this all when we got home. Who does this to someone else's child, especially with me sitting right there! Was I wrong to not beat Dominic into using his fork?! Should I have taken his plate away? Am I getting this all wrong here?!

Anyways, once we left I am telling all of this to Matt. He says that we have to continue to be their "friends" for the cheap car work. Plus, Bob, the father really isn't such a bad guy. Nothing like his wife. He has even admitted before that his wife isn't nearly the mother that I am. So I feel really bad for him. I refuse to take my children over there any more. It just wont happen. As for Lacey, I really would like to just fucking' spat at her! She pissed me off so much and I am DONE! She is very lucky that I am who I am, otherwise I would have turned her ass in! I just don't have the heart to feel bad for such a terrible little boy. Maybe if it was another child being slammed into the windshield, one that hadn't just beat mine for two days, but nope. I am done and I'm not looking back! Nor am I giving a fuck about anyone's feelings here. Am I wrong? I surely hope not. It feels like I am doing the right thing. After wanting to home-school and thinking deeply about it lately, mostly to get my child away from all of those kids who's parents just don't care. Who's children are teaching my child things he doesn't need to know. Why am I taking him to this home and subjecting him to it at my own free will. It just doesn't make sense to me.

Thanks for reading, if you made it this far. I really needed to get this all off of my chest. It has been lingering around my head for 2 days now. Oh, and Dom has now started hitting Owyn, I wonder where he learned that?! Sheesh!

As for the homeschooling. I am still really looking into it. I just need to purchase the materials. So if anyone has any advice on a good web-site please share it with me. As I am a bit nervous going into this whole thing. If we do it he will finish this year out in pre-k and we will start in May with our schooling here at home. Thanks so much again!

[MamaMulder]

Mar. 25, 2009 at 12:38 PM

Sorry that I deleted your comment. Now I cant remember your name to find you and comment back. LOL! The only thing I could do is call cps, and I dont think that the abuse is that esclated. Besides the truck incident. Just different parenting styles I guess. I just dont have the heart to do that to them. Considering I know that the child loves both of his parents, and that the dad is a good dad. Also, the fact that I know the two of them had words after the truck incident from what he told my hubby and as far as he is concerned nothing like that will be happening again...

(Original Poster)

[earthmama65]

Mar. 25, 2009 at 2:09 PM

I don't know about whether or not you should call CPS, but you should definitly keep your kids away from the bad influence.  Can you get cheap car work without having to subject your kids to that? 

I understand being a weenie...I fall prey to that too.  Like I said, the CPS thing is a wobbler, but you should definitely not be subjecting your kids to her.

regarding homeschooling (which I'd love to do as well but right now we really need my income), have you read Dumbing Us Down by Gatto?  That book convinced me that it is the right thing to do, but it does require commitment and time.  I still haven't figured out what I'll do.  Eli is just 2 so I have some time.

[mb_dolphin]

Mar. 25, 2009 at 3:23 PM

i'll second the recommendation for dumbing us down. amazing book.quinn's only 2 but i am also leaning towards homeschooling if i can possibly pull it off!

i probably would focus less on the friends (other than deciding not to bring your kids there) and more on dom and making sure he knows he didn't do anything wrong. basically helping him process the situation. i have a hard time sticking up for myself in life, but i have found that if it is for my kid, i have no problem offending people lol. and i think it gives the message to your kid that you are able and willing to show up for them. in that situation, i want my son to know i've got his back, if someone scolds him unfairly or took his food away i would just not have it. end of story. i would probably have made quite a scene over the asparagus lol. but that is just me, and i can totally understand with your dh's friendship being a factor, not wanting to offend. also, for me it might just be a trigger issue, that i didn't feel i was always "stood up for" by my parents when i feel they should have intervened in situations growing up.

boy, what an icky feeling in general- glad you were able to get it off your chest here! :)

[HaydensMom178]

Mar. 25, 2009 at 11:41 PM

Man, that is SO messed up!  You should definitely keep the kids away from her and her children!  I don't think you were wrong to not beat your son for not using a fork with asparagus.  I mean, come on!  Even though they're older, there are still some things you just eat with your hands.  Now, if it was something that he really NEEDED to eat with a fork and was using his hands and making a mess, then maybe make him use a fork, but come on!  That woman is a bitch and her son is just terrible (not thanks to her, I'm sure!).  As for not standing up for him, well, I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing myself-I'm a weinie too.  I'd just try to stay away from the whole situation myself.  That's usually what I do when someone pisses me off or hurts my feelings-I stay away.  They usually stay away, too, so it all works out!  Sorry you had to go through that.  As for the homeschooling, sorry, I really don't have any advice.

[ainamama]

Mar. 26, 2009 at 1:13 AM

wow!i though t i was a bad mother!i will second what mb and sandy said.....i am a weiner in mnay ways too,but the simple solution to that is ending the relationship.free or cheap cra work is not worth it in the end.i'd say more but mana is on me and my dad is visiting!hugs~

[MusikMama]

Mar. 26, 2009 at 9:48 AM

Oh man....I would have lost my temper on that chick BIG time....

And I WOULD call CPS.  That's me.  What if she loses it and seriously injurs athat child!

[ESTHERLEIGH]

Mar. 27, 2009 at 9:57 AM

Thats really crappy... I am wiener too.. I dont stand up when I should sometimes.. but I dont know how much of that I would be able to take. GEESH, I was feeling like a bad mom for snapping at my kids too much lately (stress)  Now I see they can have it worse.  Look, You dont have to go along when your husband goes do you?  I mean couldnt you just make up some excuse?  You do not have to be "friends" with her.. Infact..  If she really were your friend.. you would be able to tell her that you do not agree with what she is doing  without her getting pissed off. Friends respect eachother.  She has no business disciplining your child.. especially when she cant properly discipline her own.  People should have to take an exam and have a liscense before they can have children LOL. You keep on doing what you know is right for you and your family. Sometimes you just have to forget about those people who just dont get it.