Why woman are crabby...

[KrissyEricAngel]

We started to 'bud' in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage was having sex for the first time, which was about as much fun as having a ramrod pushed up your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse, leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.)

Then, it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us, steadily kicking our innards night and day, making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a whole watermelon and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moan
ing in pain all the way to the ER.

Then, it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, 'Please stop screaming, Mrs. Weiss. Calm down and push. Just one more good push' (more like 10), warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the damn hubby and doctor square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10-pound bowling ball through a keyhole. Then after all of that hard work of pushing for 2 hours, a c-sec is ordered.

After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that 'cute' wears off, the beautiful little darling morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machine.

Then come the 'Teen Years.' Need I say more?

When the kid is almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday..

So, we progress into the grand finale: 'Menopause', the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned 'buds' or the aforementioned Nether Regions or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily, and bite the head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...

So, while I love being a woman, 'Womanhood' would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. You think women are the 'weaker sex'? Yeah, right. Bite me.

[Mamaof2004]

Mar. 26, 2009 at 12:48 AM

LOL....GREAT POST!!!!!!