Birthday Party Do's and Don'ts

[satellitesister]

As a modest but successful thrower of children’s birthday parties, I have a couple rules of party-giving for the under 12 set that I feel it is my duty to share:

1.    I believe that my child’s party should not be your problem. No tricky directions, long drives, or inconvenient hours. No additional equipment, permission slips or protective gear will be necessary for your child to attend one of my parties. Just drop off your child and go to the movies. In fact, please don’t stay. Then I won’t have to make “grown-up” food or try to talk to you when I am corralling a half dozen kids to play Pin the Tail on the Donkey.

2.    I believe that a goody bag filled with candy and small plastic toys is a waste of money and fossil fuels. When you come to my house for a party, you get a single item as a parting gift. It is usually a playground ball that I buy at the grocery story for 3 bucks each. I write your child’s name on it and hide it in the back yard. So not only is it a goody gift, it’s a game.

3.    I believe the cake should be tasty first and fit the theme second. I promise no elaborate cakes that taste like plaster of Paris because there is so much frosting holding the whole operation together. In fact, this year I am making chocolate fondue instead of cake, at the request of the birthday boy.If you are an adult at my party, this is where you can help. when kids see the cake, they want it NOW. I need extra hands here.

4.    I believe that no gift should cost over $20 or be bigger than a 36 inch plasma TV.  I am begging you, no more giant plastic toys. So, please, feel free to bring a single book or a big, new box of crayons and some paper, that’s great. That’s what I give. And nothing beats a crisp ten dollar bill. Kids love money. I even write on the invitation: Samll Gifts are Great. 

5.    I believe that once a child is in first grade and up, it is okay to invite only their friends and not every kid in the class. Yes, that is what I believe, even if it sounds mean.  It’s a birthday party and it’s supposed to be fun and you shouldn’t be forced with cut cake with kids who are mean to you in class.Plus, the cost of having the entire class is enormous.

6.    I believe in starting on time and ending on time. I have been to parties where the festivities get going about an hour and half in and the cake cutting is done long after the birthday child has lost interest/patience/his mind. Move it along, that’s my party giving motto.

What do you believe when it comes to party giving? Go to the comments and add to my Birthday Party Manifesto! 

Embrace your Chaos!

Lian Dolan

The Chaos Chronicles