More labels and instructions that make you go well duhhhh!!

[singedwingangel]

• "Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet." -- In the information booklet. Well ty Einstein I would have never though of that on my own..
  
• "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs. Dang so the Beta has to find anotehr way to clean that stuff off her gills...
  

  
  

• "For external use only!" -- On a curling iron. Ummm See I so don't even wanna know on this one.
  

  
  

• "Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron. Another Ya think??
  

  
  

• "Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer. Sooo I can't wash and dry at the same time??
  

  
  

• "Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer. Another sleepwalking incident has to be..
  

  
  

• "Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device.  Soo What if USING it causes you to go unconscious then what HUh??
  

  
  

• "Do not place this product into any electronic equipment." -- On the case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket.  Ummm yeahhhh okkkk
  

  
  

• "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan.  Just EWWWW
  

  
  

• "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.  So basically what you're telling me is if I fall my face and elbows are hamburger meat, but my shins are good?
  

  
  

• "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool. Now that is redneck dentistry at it's finest folks...
  

  
  

• "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant. Ummm okey dokey so point and shoot blindly. Ya know someone was LOOKING when they sprayed to ensure they hit their underarm lol...
  

  
  

• "Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.  But why not the sun is stillup??
  

  
  

• "Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn. And who would use it as such??
  

  
  

• "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter. Can we say OXYMORON??
  
• "Battery may explore or leak." -- On a battery. See a scanned image. So where exactly is it going exploring maybe I wanna go..
  

  
  

• "Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer. Well dang you're no fun
  

  
  

• "Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.  Again I can se a motorized wheelbarrow... only in rednecksville but I can envision it lol
  

  
  

• "This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater. So where prey tell shall I use it?? And why would you call it a bathroom heater if it isn't??
  

  
  

• "May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray. Yeah that's the plan..
  

  
  

• "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock."Again CHILD SAFETY is the key here
  
• "Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box. Better be or it's free lol
  

  
  

• "Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup. Again I would hope so..
  

  
  

• "Caution: Shoots rubber bands." -- On a product called "Rubber Band Shooter."Ty again for those wonderful facts I would have NEVER figured out on my own
  

  
  

• "Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee. Ummm ok what kind of frisbee are we talking about here???
  

  
  

• "Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.BLEEECCHHH

  
  

• "Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife. Well shoot now what do I threaten them with??
  

  
  

• "Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old. Rofl Sorry Jimmy mommy cannot let ya have your birthday card till your 3
  

  
  

• "Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery. Tal about a waste of money geesh
  

  
  

• "Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat cushion.again the word SEAT would kinda tell me not for eyes, I am just saying
  

  
  

• "Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer REMAINING? Wasn't the first loss of an eye enough to make ya leave them alone??.

  
  

• "Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven. Ok how bout baked floppy??
  

  
  

• "For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod.Ummm well there goes my next bedroom purchase, and how am I supposed to find my kids in a crowd now??
  

  
  

• "For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener. Does Mr. Clean come with it?? Then I am the trained professional
  

  
  

• "Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener.Have you smelled my teenagers room?? Just askin
  

  
  

• "Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror. ROFL OK this one got me
  

  
  

• "Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jetski. OK that is the kind of thrill ya keep in the bedroom Just sayin
  

  
  

• "Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm. Did a midget use it for suicide before??
  

  
  

• "Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty. Again DUHH
  

  
  

• "Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia.Wait their's has a hot section?? How unfair is that??
  

  
  

• "Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone. ONly after we use this thing they are other wise I say we are good to go
  

  
  

• "Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers. LMBO I thought sex was good for calorie burning, bad breath = no nookie lol
  

  
  

• "Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink. OK see that is redneck right there guarantee ya that
  

  
  

• "Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate. oooooh are ya gonna put me in the dairy farm crossbar motel?? what what huh??
  

  
  

• "Do not use intimately." -- On a tube of deodorant. ummm yeah D-O-U-C-H-E
  

  
  

• "Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison. Ok so instead of a wuick death it will be long and drawn out but they still wind up dead what's the trouble??
  

  
  

• "Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757. Umm I don't wanna see the man that can pick it up barehanded.
  

  
  

• "Cannot be made non-poisonous." -- On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid.  Why would someone try??
  

  
  

• "Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller. What if they like being folded like a newspaper??
  

  
  

• "Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes." -- On a tube of agarose powder, used to make gels. OK the eyes I get but shins??
  

  
  

• "Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck. I would hope so
  

  
  

• "Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron. OK what idiot did this??
  

  
  

• "Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine.ummm hello what part of too yong for driving seems to confuse you??
  

  
  

• "For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights. AS opposed to where??
  

  
  

• "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume. Ok see I get this one but my son doesn't require the costuem to attempt it
  

  
  

• "This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am." -- On a hospital's outside access door.

  
  

• "Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station. Good lord can't ya let a dead dog lie??
  

  
  

• "Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." -- On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets. I don['t ahve a prostate do I?
  

  
  

• "Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box.That's the plan
  

  
  

• "Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box. Well dang
  

  
  

• "Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter. makes it kinda useless now don't it
  

  
  

• "Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy. woohoo ty for the info I would have NEVER guessed that on my own
  

  
  

• "Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice. again HUH
  

  
  

• "May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers. Well who would try OUCH
  

  
  

• "Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan.

  
  

• "Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.

  
  

• "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer.

  
  

• "Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts.

  
  

• "Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.

  
  

• "Do not eat if seal is missing." -- On said seal.

  
  

• "Remove occupants from the stroller before folding it."

  
  

• "Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds.

  
  

• "Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.

  
  

• "Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.

  
  

• "Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer.

  
  

• "Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.

  
  

• "Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame.

  
  

• "Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets.

  
  

• "Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.

  
  

• "Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.

  
  

• "For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack.

  
  

• "Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone.

  
  

• "Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.

  
  

---

Assurances:

• "Safe for use around pets." -- On a box of Arm & Hammer Cat Litter.

  
  

---

Small Print From Commercials:

• "Do not use house paint on face." -- In a Visa commercial that depicts an expecting couple looking for paint at a hardware store.

  
  

• "Do not drive cars in ocean." -- In a car commercial which shows a car in the ocean.

  
  

• "Always drive on roads. Not on people." -- From a car commercial which shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert.

  
  

• "For a limited time only." -- From a Rally's commercial that described how their burgers were fresh.

  
  

---

Signs and Notices:

• "No stopping or standing." -- A sign at bus stops everywhere.

  
  

• "Do not sit under coconut trees." -- A sign on a coconut palm in a West Palm Beach park circa 1950.

  
  

• "These rows reserved for parents with children." -- A sign in a church.

  
  

• "All cups leaving this store, rather full or empty, must be paid for." -- A sign in a Cumberland Farms in Hillsboro, New Hampshire.

  
  

• "Malfunction: Too less water." -- A notice left on a coffee machine.

  
  

• "Prescriptions cannot be filled by phone." -- On a form in a clinic.

  
  

• "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." -- On a bag of Fritos.

  
  

• "Fits one head." -- On a hotel-provided shower cap box.

  
  

• "Payment is due by the due date." -- On a credit card statement.

  
  

• "No small children." -- On a laundromat triple washer.

  
  

• "Warning: Ramp Ends In Stairs." -- A sign, correctly describing the end of a concrete ramp intended for handicap access to a bridge.

  
  

---

Safety Procedures:

• "Take care: new non-slip surface." -- On a sign in front of a newly renovated ramp that led to the entrance of a building.

  
  

• "In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood, proceed uphill quickly." -- One of the emergency safety procedures at a summer camp.

---

Ingredients:

• "Ingredients: Artificially bleached flour, sugar, vegetable fat, yeast, salt, gluten, soya flour, emulsifier 472 (E) & 481, flour treatment agents, enzymes, water. May contain: fruit." -- The ingredients list on a package of fruit buns.

  
  

• "100% pure yarn." -- On a sweater.

  
  

• "Some materials may irritate sensitive skin. Please look at the materials if you believe this may be the case.
  Materials:
  Covering: 100% Unknown.
  Stuffing: 100% Unknown."
  -- On a pillow.

  
  

• "Cleans and refreshes without soap or water. Contains: Water, fragrance & soap." -- On the packet for a moist towelette. See a scanned image.

  
  

---

Instructions:

• "Remove the plastic wrapper." -- The first instruction on a bag of microwave popcorn; to see the instructions, one first has to remove the plastic wrapper and unfold the pouch.

  
  

• "Take one capsule by mouth three times daily until gone." -- On a box of pills.

  
  

• "Open packet. Eat contents." -- Instructions on a packet of airline peanuts.

  
  

• "Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat." -- Instructions on the packaging for a muffin at a 7-11.

  
  

• "Use like regular soap." -- On a bar of Dial soap.

  
  

• "Instructions: usage known." -- Instructions on a can of black pepper.

  
  

• "Serving suggestion: Defrost." -- On a Swann frozen dinner.

  
  

• "Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants." -- On a bag of cat biscuits.

  
  

• "In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors." -- In a car manual.

  
  

• "Please include the proper portion of your bill." -- On the envelope for an auto insurance bill.

  
  

• "The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the 'on' position." -- Instructions for an espresso kettle.

  
  

• "For heat-retaining corrugated cardboard technology to function properly, close lid." -- On a Domino's sandwich box.

  
  

---

Requirements:

• "Optional modem required." -- On a computer software package.

  
  

[imamombygrace]

Mar. 31, 2009 at 10:36 AM

You know what I always think when I read those labels?  Someone had to be dumb enough to do that to get that label on there..lol.