Toasty HOT when this occurs. HUGE pet peeve

[tenacity]

Yes, I am  the parent of 10 kids.  white, black, special needs and regular old, etc., etc,

So, imagine this  I have 2, 6, 8 of the kids with me and onlookers, maybe amazed at the cuteness of the situation, or astonishment or just plain curiosity inevitably say:

ARE THEY ALL YOURS?  And my response is  YES!

They walk away like they know you're lying.  Obvious to the naked eye. I have one BLACK child who happens to oh say stick out like a sore thumb. (a very cute sore thumb, but a sore thumb nonetheless.)

Well, I ask you.  Am I supposed to say to any or all of you.  NO, this one is from some meth parents in our local druggy neighborhood and that one over there was abandoned by her crack mom. No, she's not mine. 

Am I to single out one or more of these children that call me mom and are loved by me because I am their mom. (in the mom position) And that may be in the midst of transitioning to feel secure in the family.  Am I to say no, they are not all mine or am I to say ABSOLUTELY YES, they are ALL mine?

Well, the distinction in some peoples' minds (I have discovered over the years) is.... well, they usually say this:

Did you HAVE THEM ALL? I mean birth them?  Did they all come out of you? phhhhht!

Well, I ask you... If you were to adopt 1 baby, would you say that baby is your baby?

Do you have to slyly take the nozetta aside and say. well he's adopted so he's not really mine... but...

No, I think not.  He's yours. You're his mom. You don't have to share the precise details unless it is in the family plan. Such as: to let everyone know he's adopted from the get-go. (including him, please if you're gonna be telling everyone else)

So, i'm asking you. How do you think any one of these children would feel if you specified some were and some weren't yours?  Especially, kids that have come from the DFS system and troubled homes.  They really don't need to be singled out to have any confidence you may be building chipped away at.

So, there you have it.  I have 4 adopted and six unplanned. :-)  AND THEY ARE ALL MINE!

Anyone care to give a different point of view?

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Aplatel87]

Mar. 30, 2009 at 8:06 PM

Not only is it nobody's else's business to know your life story (or your kids' life story for that matter), but also if you feed them, house them, clothe them, and love them then they are definatly 10000000000000% yours!! BLESS YOU!!

[jamiemolihan]

Mar. 30, 2009 at 8:12 PM

Nope, they are all yours. And if they don't all look like you on the outside, I truely hope to God they all look like you on the inside. You are sooooo cool. Your post makes me laugh....and cringe. Do people really say these things to you?

[tenacity]

Mar. 31, 2009 at 12:26 AM

Oh yes, they say these things & more.  I've had adopted children for 16 years now and it simply astounds me the gall of some people.  "MY"  black child joined us 16 years ago. It was at that time that the "sore thumb" provoked questions. I also had three stepsons at the time.  So, it made it really awkward to answer the queries.

So, along the way I've mentioned this to different people. (the fact that it bothers me.)  And I'm truly amazed at the people that don't think I should be saying these kids are mine. Well, they ARE MINE. Just ask them. <smile> 

(Original Poster)

[wannabeme6]

Mar. 31, 2009 at 2:12 PM

I love the passion and compassion that comes through when you write.  You sure that realty is where you shine?  I think Mothering is a great calling, don't you?  Sorry, my thoughts are all over the place today.  It's got to be lack of sleep :)

 

[Anouck]

Mar. 31, 2009 at 2:19 PM

They are ABSOLUTELY all yours! YOU are their mom, YOU are the one loving them, raising them, what else makes you "mom"?

And kudos to you for everything you do, I don't know you, but you must be an amazing person :)

[tenacity]

Apr. 1, 2009 at 3:06 PM

Am I sure Realty is where I shine? Well, I might just "shine" there.  <smile>  But, writing has always been on my list of things to do. I've actually written 2 books.  Well, one needs to be edited from an outside source.  the name of the book is "Feeling the Quakes" About a young girl traumatized as a kid and how she made her way to success.

The other book is called "Dancing with Cancer".  I was going to attempt to have it published when the story took a turn and didn't end. So, I started trying to add to it. (another bout w/ the big C) and I never finished that part.  so, technically, I guess neither one of them is done now.  But, at one time they were. I had a professional editor work on the "feeling the Quakes" book & she cut out too many events that I thought were necessary to make the thing come together.  anyway, I played with it again & now I need to pass it on to someone new. Get a new perspective.  What's kind of funny to me is that I've let people read them here & there and so far EVERYONE has said they are books you can't put down.  They tell me you have to keep reading until you're done. Period.  LOL  (well, I guess it's funny because both of the books are about me. :-)

 

(Original Poster)

[Kodeekins]

Jun. 27, 2009 at 12:19 PM

You are an inspiration to me!

Yup, people really say things like that - I live with my bestie, and he has three siblings adopted from Asia. ASIAN people give you nasty looks quite often when Trace and I give his mom a break for the day and take all five of the other kids out - maybe because we're in our twenties with three Asia kids, one white three year old and a white twelve year old. Do I care? No. After Trace and I get married we're filing to adopt from Asia, because it's familiar ground, and then we're going to adopt from Africa, and once we are financially stable, be foster parents. :-)