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Adoption Speech:"Mothers Without Their Children"
- Apr 1, 2009 at 8:00 PM
- By Anonymous
- Comments (4) Total Views (48) Everyone can see this journal post.
The Association for Research on Mothering
Adoption Speech:"Mothers Without Their Children"
York University
Karen Lynn
May 5, 2001
Good afternoon. This speech is a message from the mothers of the Canadian
Council of Birthmothers, mothers who have suffered the trauma of having
lost a child or children to adoption and who are learning to understand what
happened to us and our children. Much of what I say here is a collection of
thoughts shared by the members of the CCBM. We are mostly first mothers and
some adopted persons who acknowledge the life-long suffering caused by
adoption and seek the truth. What follows is a work in process on this
journey which is just beginning. I will also acknowledge with deepest love
and gratitude the contribution of my son Doug with whom I have been
reunited now for 26 months and 7 days. Together we have spent hundreds of hours
processing our loss and the circumstances of our reunion. The day we met in
person we sat down together in my kitchen, he enfolded my hands in his and
asked, "What happened?" What follows is in part an answer to this question.
The Historical Victimization of Mothers
In the 19th century, race science, the belief that there are distinct human
races that can be identified, and classified scientifically by judgements of
intelligence, emotional and moral capabilities, included blacks, poor
people, criminals and white women. Scientists poured beans into the skulls of
deceased members of such groups and then compared the sums found in each type of
skull to numbers of beans captured in more respectable skulls, white men of
substance. In a remarkable travesty of science, they determined that women
had intelligence which was less evolved than that of men and in particular,
poor women. Poor women, because of "poor moral fibre" and lesser intelligence,
produced children out of wedlock and hence became a "problem". Thus,
because of prevailing social prejudice and bad science, we were reduced by
circumstances to a class of social inferiors, fallen women. The theory of
"bad blood", associated with race science, assumed the heritability of moral
inferiority. It was assumed that "illegitimate" children would inevitably
inherit inferior characteristics and swell the ranks of the poor and criminal. The
powerful of the time determined that not only did the mothers have no right
to keep their children, but that the children would be better off without
their mothers.
Later, the theory of the "tabula rasa", assumed that a baby was a blank
slate containing no predetermined behavioural constructions. This was an
ideal platform on which to justify adoption practices and the removal of
children from their natural parents. The child could be molded by an
adoptive family with no fear of interference from the "inferior"
characteristics of the first mother. Eventually science wove its way into the laws of Canada on March 29, 1927 after the urging of adoptive parents who lobbied the government of Ontario
because they were distressed by the existence of their adopted children's
original identities on their birth certificates. The Adoption Act in
Ontario was amended and a clause added which sealed the adoption. Neither the
Toronto Star nor the Globe & Mail published any articles about this
historic moment for adoptees and their natural parents.
The Problem of the Mothers Now
The maternal instinct is strong. How do you pry a baby away from her
mother? As you shall see, the secrecy provided for in the laws of early
twentieth century provided an ideal environment in which to make this
happen.
Separating mothers from their children, en masse, could only happen in a
climate of coercion. The creation of an entire subclass of people, fallen
women, made coercion possible. The fallen woman became situated in her
place of no power during the twentieth century. First, the prevailing social
opinion held that natural mothers of "illegitimate" children were inferior,
as I have said, and therefore incapable of raising their children. This, in
combination with shame paralyzed the mother. The application of shame,
coupled with poverty and the unacknowledged trauma of the mother, enabled
the circumstances leading up to the surrendering of her child. The laws of
Canada, one by one across the country, dignified this process by claiming
to act "in the best interests of the child" and for the good of the mother,
since secret adoption records also saved her from the shame. This was all
done across this land without consulting natural mothers or their
"illegitimate" offspring as to their opinions and the consequences of
adoption, secret or otherwise. It was done to them, for them, but not by
them. The Article is located here http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/Mother%27s_Without_Their_Children.html
Let me know how you feel. Thank you.
Tags: adopted, birthmothers, adoptees, parents
Comments:
I see your point as with the stupid parents, the real father having sex with a 2 week old baby and the real mother did NOTHING to stop it. But do not ignore the separation might have done to you and get help or at least knowing will set you free. My kids live in hate and do not want to face the truth. I'm not a drunk or anything like that .
They shouldn't hate you , I don't hate my birth mom because she didn't seem to know what she was doing wrong. My sisters thought it was because she was an older women when she had me but it was because she leave me for hours on end at friends at one of sisters houses and would pass out. I didn't tell her trhat was the reason.. One of my sisters didn't understand why she couldn't take me, well the reason was that it would've been worse with her than with my birth mom, her husband was physically abusive. to her at the time. my adoptive mother would let me meet wtih my birth mom but I decided at a certain age that I no longer wanted to be in my life the reason was she was calling up drunk and telling me run away. It was nice to remeet them all 3 yrs ago and have stayed in touch with one of my sisters and my mom is living with her. My birth mother is no longer a alcoholic but she stills annoys me a bit here and there but thats always been her personality. My adopted mother tried to keep in touch with her after I told her that i didn't want her in my life, I told her it wouldn't be forever just that I was sick of her calling me drunk and making me feel that i had to try to run away and it was frustrating for a little girl to be an adult in that relationship. I still love her in a way. I'm having her last granddaughter and she was trying for me to have as many as she did, I told her I'm not crazy she had 8 kids, yikes. My neices and nephews are around my age and the great grandkids are my children's age, the oldest is a year younger than myself and she's the one that found me again, we were really close when we were kids.
I have totally lost out and now would like to be OK. I can only hope that you and all involved find peace. Life is so hard and complicated. Just remember no one is perfect. here is a song for you both .
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I was adopted and I ya I was better off than with my birth mother, it was better to live with complete strangers than live with a drunk.. Yes I knew and still do know my birth mother and I do believe I was better off. I'm glad I was adopted and I love my parents very much. You are right though about the mothers being forced to and some needed to be and especially those that would use their children for alcohol and drugs.