Family, friends, bitterness, and secrets How God can be a part of me~

[campmulli]

Have you ever just felt nothing you do is right? Have you ever felt that you have been put in a situation where you need to tell the secret for the greater good, but don't know who to tell so you keep the secret? Have you ever?????

Well, it seems that I am in that position right now. I have obviously upset the apple cart with a dear family member. I have asked what I did wrong and it was at the wrong time or whatever. Seems that the not so nice attitude I was having presented to me is the direct result of a past situation that not only had we already hashed out and resolved it (so I thought), but I had actually forgotten about it altogether because I had forgiven her. Seems she had not forgiven me for whatever she felt I did wrong. Seems that forgiveness is not as easy as one would like it to be. I am a very forgiving person as a result of a life changing situation with my father some years ago. I personally love forgiveness because it enables us to be free to feel again, at least that is what I have experienced and it definately allowed me to be rid of the burden of bitterness. So, once again I find myself in the position of forgiveness, but this time I am told that I have started an attack again over this. I really do not see an attack of any kind, I asked a question because of how I was being treated, not intending to attack anyone. The past was then thrown in my face again and I simply pointed out that I had forgiven and forgotten. The situation continued to escalate to the bitterness from her again. I just want to be family and friends. I want to make things work and let the past go and move on. I want to eliminate the jealousy that has been there for so many years, I could not help that I was provided for by other family members. I could not help that she could not have what I had. I can not change who I am without being told what it is that is the problem, so I simply asked a question to seek an answer. Sad part is that I am struggling with a secret that is really upsetting me and it reminds me of the pain of not being forgiving.

So today I talked to the other person, who's secret I am holding and discovered that, although there have been differences in the past, this person feels a connection with me and my children and family. This person trusts us and hopefully will engage in telling the truth and releasing the secret so that others do not get hurt in the process. This situation is interfering indirectly with my daughters wedding plans and that hurts. The secret is painful and the person responsible for the secret needs to be held accountable without abusing their power. But how can I disclose the information and not hurt the person who told me in confidence? I CAN"T, it is not my job to tell the secret. All I can do is forgive and encourage the victim to come forward and tell the secret and relieve themself of the burden of pain and bitterness. 

With pain, bitterness, anger, irritability, and a host of other emotions, comes guilt, shame, embarrassment and other emotions including fear. That fear keeps us from opening up and exposing our true emotions and exposing the real person. When you get past the negative, you have postitive and when you tell it all and rid yourself of the garbage that has been taken in, you are a lot lighter, free from guilt, shame and embarrassment, and you can be positive.
Think about it this way, what goes up, must come down, right? well if the negative energy is the force against, pushing down, then the positive energy is the force up, pushing up and then you can rise to the situation and allow yourself the freedom to tell it all and be truthful and humble and forgiving. Just writing this makes me feel lighter already~ Life is Beautiful and each and every person should be able to experience it.

So, to my dear family member, I love you more than you realize and you are the closest I have to a sister. Please know that regardless how you feel about me, I love you and will always love you. I forgave you for the past and assumed responsibility for my actions in the past. I forgive you now and ask that you rethink the situation and realize that nothing said was said in anger or bitterness, but in question to understand if there was something I could help with.

To my dear friend who relayed their secret to me, I have kept it to myself as you have asked, only discussing it with those you are aware of, that you had spoken to about this. Please know that I pray for you and love you as a member of our family. Know that when you are ready you can be resurrected and free from the pain by coming forward with the information that is the root of the secret. Know that you are welcome to remain right where you are and remain as involved as you wish, I will stand beside you to ensure that happens. Know that I will stand tall for you and with you because that is what God asks us to do when one has fallen and needs to be helped back up. I am here and will be regardless of the situation. Know you are loved.

As for those who take the time to read this, no one will keep me down with the grace of God my faith will continue to grow and my family will continue to do God's work and no one can take the grace of God away from us. I believe in his holy power and after a bad church experience, I know that God has bigger plans for me than I am sometimes ready to face, so Bring it on God, show me the way to the truth and light~

[momtomatthew02]

Apr. 2, 2009 at 8:41 AM

Wow!  That's a lot on your mind...

[threebrats]

Apr. 2, 2009 at 11:55 PM

You need to have a talk with the person with the secret. Let them know that it is eating you up inside. You can not let this person make you choose between the friend and the family, it isnt fair. "The truth will set you free"

Good luck.