Parent Martyrs

[Angebor]

The funniest thing the doctor tells a new mom is that she can resume normal sexual activity in 6 weeks.   There is no resumption of normal.  Seven pounds of miracle and a lifetime of adaptation...that's the new normal!

Even if her desire for sexual activity is maintained after birth, the demands of a new child, even for an experienced mom, is traumatic to a couples lifestyle.  The miracle of life and blessing of family notwithstanding, the dependence of children on parents and the awesome responsibility of nurturing life costs.  The key is to manage how you pay!

The most common challenge to marriage, especially for young couples, is to resist the urge to defer personal and relationship development to play parent martyrs.  Do not go quietly into that dark night!

A husband and wife must meet the challenge of taking on the new or growing role of parenthood while nurturing the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual dynamics of their marital relationship.   This means adapting, communicating and negotiating to keep a balance that works for both.  It is give and take, partnership and sacrifice.  It is a fierce resistance to any inclination to ignore conflict and a defiance that pushes against the urge to sacrifice being adult, intelligent, multilayered and sexual beings...to become carpooling, family vacation planning, domestic engineering uber parents.

The resistance is mounted in the bedroom by keeping it the couple's sanctuary where relational dynamics are...ummm...nurutured.  The resistance is mounted by observing date nights and making them happen with a sense of priority as urgent as that we feel for attending the Saturday morning soccer games.  The resistance is mounted in how we share words of affirmation with each other as freely as we do with our children.  "You're such a big boy!  No hon', I'm talking to your father."

If you feel that you are losing the dynamics of your marriage that once made you eager for one another, fight!  Fight for the fire.  Fight for the substance of the marriage that exists within its form...for the yearning, the need.   Push against the fomenting rapids of ordinary that presses into our lives a cooling emotional remoteness that takes 10 years before its presence is noticed.  Fight!

Divorce is an aquiesence to the dark death of hearts invaded by indifference and deference.  Do Not go quietly into that dark night!

[ethans_momma06]

Apr. 3, 2009 at 1:47 AM

Nice post!