Something that's been on my mind

[v_clar]

Last Sunday evening, I sat down on the couch to watch some TV. Nothing looked interesting to me and I ended up turning on Celebrity Apprentice, not something I normally watch but what the heck it might prove to be good for a chuckle.

I was wrong.

I sat there in awe and disbelief as I watched a man fall into the darkness that is alcoholism. A man that was once a highly paid and respected individual, and oh how far he had fallen. He was the "project manager" for the task of that week and was unable to get through it without getting drunk. By the middle of the task he was so irrational that his team seemed glad when he said F*** it and left.

That man? Who was it you ask...It was Dennis Rodman. And it made me very sad. When the time came for the elimination it got worse. You see, it became an intervention of sorts. Not only did his team try to help him the other team did as well. They all told him how much they liked him and admired him and would help him...IF he would get help for himself. He just argued about how he USED TO BE such a great athlete, how he USED TO BE the most sought after basketball player ever, how it WAS in the PAST.  The money, the fans, the treatment, the adulation, the hero worship, etc. It was all in the PAST yet he clung to his past like a drowning man holds onto a life preserver. Even though he was still sinking.

Then on Monday, I sat down to watch my daytime drama (OK OK my soap.) and there is a story line right now about a young man who is going down the same path - only with drugs (pills) not booze. He has already caused such a horrific accident one boy is now paralyzed. The story line is well written, not overly harsh or dramatic, yet not soft either.

Then Tuesday night I sat down to watch yet another train wreck of a reality show (Yeah I watch a lot of TV). On this one, a young man was almost eliminated the first night because he was drunk and passed out. He was told if he took one more drink he'd be gone. He hasn't had a sip. Then that night he was rewarded with a trip to a club and I wondered if he'd make it. I am pleased to say he did. He drank Orange Juice all night and the pride on his face at the end of his first sober evening out was priceless. I was proud of him too.

I wish I could tell you that all of this sadness comes from compassion alone, it doesn't. These three stories remind me of - me. Oh maybe not the lifestyles of the three different men (besides I'm not a boy..lo), but the reasons behind the drinking and drugs. It reminded me of how just ONE drink will lead me back there - back into the pit. Away from everyone and everything I love and who love me. I wish I could say that Dennis Rodman will get help and heal from his pain. I wish I could say that the young man on the reality show will stay sober when he goes home. I wish I could, but I can't. I can't even say I won't drink tomorrow, all I can promise my family, myself and my God is I won't drink today. There are no guarantees.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings.

God Bless...............

[shell81]

Apr. 5, 2009 at 3:16 PM

HUGS girl one day at a time. Very well said.

I am on day 5 no smoking:)

[gibbyswife]

Apr. 6, 2009 at 12:10 PM

I truly believe that we all suffer from "addiction" whether it be alcohol, drugs, pornography, or food - we all have the button that can be pushed that will send us over the edge.  The real survival story belongs to those (like yourself) who recognize the problem, and deal with it head on. 

I have an addiction to food - whether it be fried, poached, steamed, or still cold from the freezer i have a problem; and the worse part is im seeing it manifest in my kids.  Last night erin was hungry and instead of there being yogurt or fruit or small bags of something to snack on she delved into the pit that is cookie dough, and what's worse is i encouraged her.  What the hell am i thinking? 

I've been paying for WW for 3 months now, and have only gone to 2 meetings - why?  "Because I can do it on my own, i dont need anyone to tell me how much is enough."  Well clearly that's bullshit, my fat pants ripped yesterday...they were too tight!  and too celebrate i had a pastrami sandwich and french fries - oh and regular cherry coke.

Addiction is a vicious horrible burden, but one that can/must be conquered - I am very proud of you and your accomplishments, it is a remarkable task that you have taken on, and i know that you will be successful in maintaining your sobriety.

Love you - mean it,  C